when things get to be too much, i run...
or adeptly slink away while he snores.
thoughts were bursting in my mind. i could hear my voice saying them aloud but my vocal chords felt trapped, strangled by my heart, and so i stayed silent.
i know there will be hell to pay tomorrow... but i was too afraid to stay and have to utter more of myself aloud. half of me wants him to call, to come screeching over in his truck and knock softly on my door. the other half-- the fearful half-- dreads anything but sleep.
"we fear happiness because we fear failure. but we must overcome [this] fear. we must be brave. it is one thing to speculate about what might be. it is quite another to act in behalf of our dreams, to treat them as objectives that are achievable and worth achieving. it is one thing to run from unhappiness; it is another to take action to realize those qualities of dignity and well-being that are the true standards of the human spirit.
i do fear happiness because i fear failure. i fear being left. i fear not being enough.
i'm afraid of happiness because i'm afraid it will leave me again. but i better get over myself and carpe the hell out of the diem, right?
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