city sidewalks dressed in holiday style

saturday was a good one.

in the afternoon mr. k and i caught the brand spankin' new Frontrunner north-- it was exciting. okay, actually anticlimactic and mostly crowded. but it sure beat driving to salt lake in the traffic!

and don't you be alarmed, the man behind kort {in the picture below} is actually his friend jeremy who, in case you were wondering, has the longest tongue in the history of the world. the end.

i was sure to wear my christmas plaid for our outing downtown with mine and kort's other friends, DARWIN JEFFREY & NICOLE DAWN MATHEWSON who met us on the train.
{was that a good enough mention, jeff?}

oh look, there's JEFFREY & NICOLE! aren't they cutie pies?

  and here's kort and i, kissing. what else is new?

 

 kort and joseph

 the three manly muskateers

 foxy ladies.

 aaaaand there's JEFF again.

 it was chilly and snowing ever-so-lightly... quite magical and picturesque. 

 the 5 of us

 city creek, waiting for the fountain & fire show to christmas music!

i know this post is already overrun with pictures, 

but here are a few more goofy ones we took!

***note-- not actually being serious in these!

merry & bright

an idea popped into my head that was impossible to dismiss because it was brilliant and oh so lovely...

a christmas party! 

i was in the festive spirit early this year. my decorations are a culmination of target (chargers, "joy", noel, glitter ornaments, banner), home depot (lights, silver cone trees, evergreen trimmings {fresh and free}), hobby lobby (silver, gold, and red trimmings), a magical free little christmas tree from my friend mark, and pinterest printables (chalkboard look-- i uploaded them to costco). 

the evening was immensely enjoyable and the food was divine-- from ali's amazing caramel apple cider to emme's peppermint cupcakes of happiness. but the company was my favorite-- some of my favorite people filled our tiny condo and it was bliss.  

this pillsbury cookie dough makes delicious cookies-- you wouldn't even know they were store bought! plus since i cut/rolled out the dough i feel like i can say i made them ;)

the centerpiece

the napkins that inspired it all

 my momma helped me clean and bake cookies before the party.

 friends for 5 + years! i can hardly believe it.

last saturday {december 8th} was mr. k and my 6 month anniversary-- 6 months!  i was brain-dead and planned the christmas party on our anniversary-- facepalm. i felt horrendous. between sniffles i cried "but men are suppose to be the ones to forget anniversaries!" he just laughed and told me he tries to be romantic, but somehow or another i screw things up. 

true story.

in order to escape the self-brand of "bad girlfriend" i took him cookies & milk at work, and bought him batman to make up for my mistake and say, "hey. i'm glad we've spent half-a-year together".  he surprised me with flowers at my party and a sweet little poem he wrote.   

it began, 

"now sit right down and listen to me

i'll tell you of a foxy lady named becky

...................

i would say this six months has been great,

i still look back and say becky is one awesome date.

so today becky to you i give all my love

and hope our happiness is always as bright as the stars above"

i giggled, almost cried (helllllo, weepy willow gene), and held onto his hand all night. 

all in all, it was a fantastic day.

6 months

half of a year has come and gone with mr. k. 

i can hardly believe it. 

sometimes it still baffles me that we're dating. i am in a committed relationship-- who would've thunk it?

want to see how he asked me out the first time? below is an excerpt of my recollection (august 20, 2010):

*blog post found here. 

i called him "ladder boy" back then... 

ladder boy.

i fell from a ladder and he caught me.

 

kidding!

but close...
i was, in fact, on a big orange ladder when ladder boy and another co-worker walked past, whispering and laughing.  i descended down the steps and caught their stunned silence at my presence.

"what were you guys talking about?" i asked with raised eyebrows.

"nothing!"   ladder boy chimed as our fellow co-worker laughed, calling to ladder boy as he walked away,  

"you're on your own man!"

by this point my curiosity was definitely peaked. 
i kept pestering him. finally he said,

"well, we were thinking that if he shook the ladder and i caught you you'd have to go out with me"

brilliant smooth man. i laughed and played along.
then he said,

"if i promise not to be creepy {in reference to tobacco boy}, would you go out with me?"

i was taken aback.

"seriously?"

"seriously"

. . . . . . 

"okay!"

"great!"

and that was that. we're going out tomorrow. it will definitely be an adventurous date. he's keeping me in suspense of the activity. 

from the first-date to the second first-date to now... oh what an adventure it has been!

eyelashes

i haven't worn mascara for a solid 4 months now. 

eyelash extensions are the greatest thing to ever happen to my eyes.

well, besides glasses and contacts. 

if you're interested, my girl does an amazzzing job and since she does it out of her home {in spanish fork} she doesn't charge an arm and a leg like salons {upwards of $100-$350!}.  for my first time i only paid $25 (*a special she was having) and fills are $35-$39. i get mine filled about once a month. i seriously get so many compliments, and i can't tell you the amount of time i save not worrying about mascara.

lindsay

(310)-999-5473

texting is best. you will not regret it! 

be sure to tell her i sent you!

december 5th-- closure revisited

although it's been a year {tomorrow} i have residual damage. 

i still have anxiety about relationships. about being left. about vulnerability and trust. 

december 5th was the worst day of my life. 

the future i had been planning with another person for 3 years disintegrated without warning. i watched in horror as i sunk into a deep, dark sadness. i was left in a blackness of confusion, a volatile state of rage and unadulterated heartache. 

this was my post about december 5th, about closure.

isn't it lovely? it's poetic and romantic and the stupidest thing i have ever written-- we did not end on good terms. we did not both try to make the relationship work. timing was not to blame-- his cowardice, his deceit, his broken promises {to my parents, even!} and lies are to blame. the 3 break-ups {over the phone} in 6 weeks. promising "when" we get married then slinking back to "if". blaming me for everything and telling me what i wanted to hear without intent on follow through.

...and then he abandoned me.  

he left me with a wedding dress and a thousand unanswerable questions.

he was awful to me-- i sincerely hope he never treats another human being the way he treated me in our demise. out of the blue i told the story to a co-worker and by her gaping mouth and wide eyes i realized how horrendous the ordeal was.  

i was trying to be poetic about lost and broken love with that post but
... december 5th was the worst day of my life. 

fortunately it was the best thing that could have happened to me. 

in the first six months of 2012, i heaved my heavy heart around and absolutely nothing turned out how i imagined.   

but with deepest sincerity, i am so grateful it didn't. 

i didn't get married this year and i didn't get into grad school for social work, but i know myself more. i know now that if things had turned out the way i had planned, i would be miserable in laramie effing wyoming. i would be a basket-case in grad school hearing about the troubled world and trying to save it with social work. and most importantly, i would not have made the wonderful memories i have with phenomenally fantastic friends and a charming boyfriend. 

i thought closure would come from saying goodbye. 

i was so blind.

the truth is, closure comes with time. 

      closure came from realizing the truth. 

      closure came from burning the damn socks he sent me.  

      closure came with dating and kissing boys. 

      closure came with prayer and a river of tears. 

      and full closure came when i learned to trust again. when i began loving mr. k. 

i realize this is all exceptionally personal but this post is my form of closure-- a year later and i'm so much better and happier than i was with him.

And THAT, my friend, is what they call CLOSURE from Leo Carbonell on Vimeo.

and THAT, my friend, is what they call closure!

the weepy willow gene

this is probably going to be embarrassing {for me} but it's too entertaining to keep to myself.

i have been a loon lately. i blame the birth control. the hormones are leveling out and i breathe in that old self of mine, but i have had some moments. 

and no, i can assure you i am not on birth control for the typical reason of
preventing a child
so hold your horses
por favor.

before we begin chatting about the all the estrogen though, take a gander at this snap-shot:

i did not find these fuzzy bears reassuring on my visit to the gynecologist...

but while awkward as awkward can be, those little bears gave me a good chuckle while i was hanging out in a sterile muu-muu.

i love that quote. oh geoge. however, i would like to ammend mr. carlin's quote--

"the main reason woman are crazy is that 

men are stupid. 

and estrogen"

birth control has been a roller coaster and a half-- the first few days i was drunk on hormones, being so affectionate and giggly i could have passed as a twelve year old. soon the grumpiness overpowered my giddy disposition and with the slightest provocation i snapped like a crocodile. a few days later the dam of my tear-ducts broke, unleashing the unstoppable tears over absolutely nothing. and then i felt fine.  

it was a rough first week.
like i said, the hormones have leveled out over the past two months. hallelujah! i'm more at an even-kiln, a moderate disposition. however, one thing has been changed forever:

i have become my mother. 

growing up we called my mom the "weepy willow"-- she cred in hallmark commercials, the primary program, books, and films. once we could spell our names correctly holidays turned into a game between the siblings-- if we got momma to cry with a card or present we congratulated each other with high-fives and cheers. we teased her relentlessly for her leaky tear-ducts. she kept her box of kleenex nearby and shook her finger at us, saying "laugh all you want but one day this will be you!"

her dreadful premonition has been fulfilled. i believe the estrogen was a catalyst but the "weepy willow gene" has been passed on-- to me. i am a weepy willow!  

i cried in "the amazing spiderman". who does that?

i cried in "007" {skyfall}. nothing gets me like a grown-man crying.

i nearly cried in "breaking dawn pt. 2". three times, because it was surprisingly tender.  

i watched "the holiday" and was holding back the tears {unlike jude law} 

because everyone was happy. 

when i see babies and puppies my heart feels gooey and i literally blink away the tears. 

mr. k showed me something he had saved-- a note i had given him back in february-- and i got choked up.

i did not use to be like this! what is happening to me??

estrogen. that's what.

unfortunately, my sensitivity level is through the roof not only about puppies but silly inconsequential things. my poor, patient, and extremely understanding mr. k... he's ridden this roller coaster along with me and calmed down more than a few meltdowns.

on the phone with my mom she asked, "which is worse, cramps or craziness?"
and while no man will ever understand this, i'd take the crazy and "weepy willow gene" over cramps, any day.

guess i better start stocking up on kleenex.