Saturday, July 27, 2013

a BIG announcement!!!

dear followers (all 5 of you),

i am moving!

to australia, mate!

just kidding.
but this blog is moving. 

if you'd like to follow, here is the link:

it is the sequel to Just for the Record. but unlike hollywood, this sequel will be better.  we've got a larger budget, better stories, and a cute husband in the mix.

so please come on over! my new blog is just a baby but it will be full of pictures and crazy stories soon enough!

much love,

{aka mrs. kay}

Tuesday, June 18, 2013

the final countdown

i'm getting married in 4 days.

it seems surreal-- this thing you've planned for your entire life is somehow your reality.

i couldn't be more ready to begin my life with mr. k. 

we're going to orlando, florida for our honeymoon.  the main reason we chose to go there? harry potter world. we'll also check out the crocodiles and get authentic southern food (fried everything, please).  getting away will be tremendously wonderful, and not seeing anyone but my man for a straight week seems too good to be true.

soon it won't just be mr. k, but mr. & mrs. k.
i like the sound of that.  

Wednesday, April 24, 2013

the life-altering boob revelation

i had a life-altering moment yesterday. i was informed, to my shock and horror and simultaneous glee, that i have been wearing the wrong bra size my entire adult life.

i well remember the day when it was deemed necessary for me to wear a bra-- the summer before 5th grade.  i was at old navy with my mom and sister trying on a blue tank top and they giggled and said, "it's time, becky".

i was a woman.

so i did the training-bra thing, and that quickly jumped to the padded-bra thing. these boobs of mine never really grew much but they were something. they were mine.

when i was 19 i had a 6 month stint working at VS.  i was trained to measure bras.  i saw more old-lady breasts than any 19 year old should see but i was an expert at finding the right bra fit for others. come to find out, i wasn't so good at measuring myself?
*did you know, if you go down in band size you increase the cup size, and vice versa? true story. 34B becomes 32C, or 34B becomes 36A....

fast forward 5 years to last night. 

my momma and i are trolling the lingerie section at nordstroms because heaven knows i need new bras and apparently VS and Gap aren't cutting it for my girls (according to my momma and sista).  we pick up some sexy negligees and bridal night attire, and this cute girl working there who is the spitting image of red-headed emma stone asks, "do you want to be measured?" 

in the dressing room i take off my demin shirt and extend my arms like i'm doing a chicken-dance and she slips the measuring tape around me. she purses her lips and announces:

"you're wearing a 34, but your actual size is a 32. do your current bras tend to slide up?"
"...why yes....they do..."

dumbfounded. a 32?? it was all surreal because remember what i told you? when you go down a band size you go UP a cup size.  which means... i have BOOBS! (according to my new bra size).  i wanted to wave banners and have a parade, be on a talk-show--  announce to the world that i had been wearing the wrong bra size for 10 years and now my eyes were opened to the glorious truth.  seriously, who wears the wrong bra for 10 years? only women you see on oprah.

so we bought a dkny bra that feels like heaven and actually fits-- my womanly self-confidence has never been better! amazing what a little change in perspective can do... it makes me wonder what other wondrous changes can come with a little shift of mindset?  maybe oprah will invite me onto her show and i can share my revelation with the women of the world? one can only dream.

first things first though-- out with the old, in with the new.

go get yo' self measured. you be a whole new woman.

Saturday, April 13, 2013

at the end of the day

i know, i know.
i said i would write and i didn't.

i have pushed this blog onto the back burner because my heart is heavy and hurt. nevermind the details, it's all too personal and complicated to delve into anyways... for the past couple weeks i have nearly lost myself to... to.... a feeling of darkness. my girlfriends and mr. k have saved me in more ways than one from this terrible funk. my point is, i am back. hopefully.

being engaged was fun for approximately 2.5 seconds. now it's just drama and details and too many hormones {mostly the estrogen and crying on my part}.  we still find fun moments amidst the chaos but it is no cake-walk.  however,  having our engagement tested has solidified our decision, love, and excitement. we have hypothesized elopement {for a myriad of reasons} but we're sticking it out for 70 more days to do things right and proper.

at the end of the day the only thing that matters is mr. k and i.
we are a we.

Thursday, March 14, 2013

skinny enough

at the beginning of the year i had every intention of losing weight in the typical fashion. a nasty stomach flu bug had other plans for me and i dropped 8 pounds in 3 days.

to some masochistic degree i was grateful for the flu-- not for the nausea and hours slipping into uncomfortable momentary sleep on the cold bathroom tile, but because i always wanted to be skinnier and suddenly i was.

i believe skinniness is a mental, not a physical, state. 
for me it has always been mental.

my older sister is beautiful and tiny. in my teenage zeal i tried on her old prom dresses, envisioning my cinderella-esque entrance the day i turned 16. my daydream stopped short when i found the silk and velvet wouldn't zip up.

that was the day i began to feel fat.

ironically my rib cage was to blame, not my weight. unfortunately i was young and hadn't yet learned about body types and healthy weight. i simply categorized my sister as tiny and myself as not. my distorted body image grew with me. i was never at my ideal weight. if i only lost 5 pounds... if i only lost 10 pounds...

after extensive research for college papers on the american media's affect on body image and the increase of eating disorders, i realized i suffered from similar mental effects. this recognition unfortunately did not bring a cure for my defeating thoughts and distorted perspective. although a normal and relatively healthy eater, i was never satisfied with myself.  my skewed perspective morphed others' observation of me and i couldn't take a compliment to save me.

i wish i could say that has changed with losing weight.
fortunately it has improved but i still don't fully know how to accept compliments. 

i have now lost 12 pounds since the first of the year.  people applaud me for my flat stomach and triumph over the scale, exclaiming "you look great!", "you're sooo skinny!".  somehow skinniness has become the ultimate victory in american society and i find myself confused by this notion because i disagree with it, yet i don't feel skinny enough and want to lose more weight.  the only real thing i have changed is trying not to eat after 7 pm but the past month comments have begun to have an undertone of concern: "you're tiny". "are you eating?". "you don't have any more pounds to lose".

and i probably don't. i stare at my naked self and see my rib cage and hip bones jut out. i find myself more confident in clothing and proud of my weight loss, but on some level it scares me. while waiting with trepidation on the scale, i hold my breath and for a moment i am satisfied but then the familiar thought creeps in: "if you just lost 5 more pounds...".

i wonder if american women will ever feel skinny enough.

engaged girl

i have caught myself on more than one occasion saying "we" instead of "i".

mr. k is like an appendage of me. our vocabulary is consistently "we" and "us" and "when we're married" and it excites me. 

i am trying very hard not to be the irritating newly engaged girl, but i am over the moon about mr. k. every day i love him more and to know that i get to be with his goofy self for eternity gives me more peace than i could ever fathom. kortney has noticed i've been rather giddy. he said, "i'm excited to get married. i really am--but i don't even know how match your level of excitement!"

being engaged feels like drinking 5 energy drinks in one sitting.
i keep reminding myself "tone it down, tone it down, tone. it. down." 

90% of the time i feel like grinning nonsensically and waving my arms like a lunatic. when people ask me about wedding plans i want to launch into inconsequential details and then elaborate on mr. k and i's dating saga, proposal, and future plans but then i take a deep breath and remember "tone it down beck beck--don't act like a deranged bridezilla."

i'll be posting details of the wedding planning in case you care to know what my wedding colors are and what shade of lipstick i'll be wearing.  i realize everyone and their dog and grandma have already gotten married and done engaged-couple-things and registered and all that jazz, but now that it's my turn and i know it is right, i am really, really excited. please forgive me if i'm ridiculous the next 3 months. i just can't wait to be mrs. k.

Wednesday, March 13, 2013

101 days and counting

the road to marriage varies for everyone; for some it seems a simple and short thing, for others it is long and complicated. my little journey was filled with wonderful memories while simultaneously fraught with panic attacks.  the biggest concern that plagued my thoughts was "how will i know?"

everyone says "when you know, you know". but how would i know for certain? two years ago i had thought i knew, but it turns out i didn't know and only thought i knew what everyone was saying i should know. i didn't want to make the same mistake twice. 

i was largely certain that mr. k was the one. my one. but i still was afraid in the back of my mind that everything would fall apart again. just before valentines day i made up my mind and said in essence, "jesus, take the wheel". seemingly overnight everything fell into place. i felt at peace. my fears melted away like snow in spring sunshine. and i realized a great truth-- that i already knew. i had actually known for some time, since christmas perhaps. i had just been too stubborn to realize he is my perfect match. he is the one i want to spend the rest of my life with and on into forever. 

they should amend that statement to "when you stop worrying about when you'll know, you'll realize you already know".  

>>>>>>>>>>fast forward to saturday march 9th, 2013>>>>>>>>>>>>>

mr. k had already asked my papa if he could make me mrs. k. my mom had kissed his cheek and cried.
 i had bought the most perfect mint wedding shoes just the night before. my temple dress was on its way. 
things were in motion. 

i kept pestering kortney to take me ring shopping. not this week. we'll go first of next week, he promised with a kiss. by the way, we're going shooting with jeff and nicole on saturday.

nothing seemed out of the ordinary. they picked me up saturday afternoon. we chit-chatted and listened to kenny. we stopped at wal-mart for bullets, earplugs, and candy. our next stop was payson to pick up the rifle and shotgun. 

i was blissfully ignorant of the proposal conspiracy that had been in effect for weeks. his entire family knew, as well as half our co-workers. kortney re-created our very first date from 2 1/2 years before. it was very romantic. however, i didn't pick up on anything as kortney had been extra sneaky and instructed jeff and nicole to "suggest" everything. for instance, i was under the distinct impression it was jeff's dire need to go shooting so he could try out his new gun. i also believed we were going to fat jacks pizza for dinner because nicole had never been there. i didn't suspect a thing. three times during the double date i mentioned, "hey, we did this on our first date!". 

so we went shooting. it was windy and beyond freezing but we had fun shooting o'zombie bin laden and the teddy bear, along with coke bottles and random targets. 

next we went to fat jack's pizza. it is delicious. i recommend a. the cheesesticks of goodness and b. the hawaiian. it's worth the drive. 

after dinner it didn't seem like there was much of a plan. out of the blue the boys suggested they take nicole and i on the "payson tour"-- they're very proud of their heritage. we stopped by kortney's parents' house once again to drop the guns off. the boys ran inside and nicole and i discussed movies we could go see later that night (which obviously didn't happen). i'm telling you, they were experts at distraction. strangely enough the only place we went to on the "payson tour" was salem pond. jeff was adamant that nicole see the dock that kortney had jumped off of in high school in the middle of winter. before that though, we stopped at uncle lane's house on salem pond. once again i marveled, "hey kortney, we went here on our first date!".  the fact that we were supposedly going ring shopping the next week had disillusioned me of the possibility that mr. k might propose that very night. 

we drove over to the parking lot and exited kortney's big white truck. a few steps into our freezing stroll around the pond, nicole exclaimed she was cold and needed the other jacket from the car. kortney handed them his keys and they scampered off in the opposite direction, assuring us they'll meet us at the bridge. 

the night was beautiful. the lights were reflecting off the water and kortney held my hand tight as we walked around the pond's edge. soon enough we came to the bridge. 

"let's walk across it" he suggested.
"can we kiss in the middle??" i eagerly asked.

and so we walked to the middle of the bridge and kissed. unexpectedly kortney got down on one knee while holding my hands. i stared at him blankly and said, "no. you're not. no!". i thought he was joking because how could he possibly have a ring? and if you've met kortney, you know he would kneel down acting like he was proposing only to tie his shoe. 

but he held on to my hands and looked up at me with the most earnest and sweet expression. he was 3 sentences in before i comprehended he was actually proposing. i blinked and tried to pull myself out of shock and back to reality. he said a lot of sweet things but in my dazed state i only remember what he said with emotion wavering his voice:  

"becky i love you more than anything... i've been looking for you my whole life... will you marry me?"

i momentarily stopped breathing. i couldn't wrap my mind around the fact that he had just proposed. i couldn't say anything so i kissed him with more joy than i had felt in my entire life. he pulled away and joked, "ummm, you haven't said yes or no yet" and i exclaimed "yes!". 

suddenly we heard the disembodied voices of jeff and nicole in the dark. a bright light lit up the bridge and they snapped photos and recorded us immediately post-proposal. 

*turn up your sound and wait for a few seconds-- you'll be able to see us!
 it was a very good night.

we went to coldstone to celebrate. 

for the next 24 hours i could hardly stop smiling. 
i was like a giddy little school girl. 

i quite enjoy referencing mr. k as "fiancee".
it is weird but this stage of our lives will only last 3 months. 

when i kiss mr. k now it seems completely different because i know he is mine in a way entirely different than dating. i always thought it cliche when people proclaimed they had married their best friend, but that's the way it should be. who better to spend the rest of your life with than your favorite person and deepest confidant?

suddenly forever doesn't seem like enough. 101 days and counting. 

june 22, 2013.
save the date friends. 

Thursday, March 7, 2013

a proposal

have you seen these videos yet?

take a break from your online shopping or studying or brownie baking and watch these, in succession. the first one is just adorable and the second one made me cry (surprise, surpise). they're both by the same amazing man. his fiance is one lucky lady!

and then there is this one. i couldn't believe what i was watching. while snuggled in my bed sunday morning i couldn't help but cry at how sweet it was. i am my mother's daughter.

now these all have a common theme which may or may not be on the horizon. i'm not expecting anything this elaborate but i know when mr. k gets down on one knee, i will weep. i will weep for joy and because crying is kinda my thing.