space

apartment hunting is such a bore.

ali and drove around provo looking at places listed on craigslist.

we came to two conclusions:
1. we want a backyard. or cute studio apartment.
2. if we lived in southwest provo, we'd most likely be raped, pillaged, plundered, and then murdered. sketch to the max.

i want a fresh start. i want a quiet world to curl up into, away from the bustle of construction outside my window. i want room-- room to decorate, explore, breathe. room in the freezer. i don't need much space, but i want space away from strangers.

perhaps this is what i'm looking for:

rather lovely, no?

goodbyes

i have this thing about goodbyes-- i hate them.


within twenty-four hours i said farewell to my brother, sister, and parents.

 my brother is now safely settled in arizona, starting his residency to become an anesthesiologist. smart cookie and soon-to-be rich cookie, if ya know what i'm sayin'. 

he has been my adventure buddy for nearly 23 years, pushing me to try new things.  he is that voice in my head that tells me i can jump with a bungee cord around my ankles, promises me my heart will mend, and laughs when i try something too spicy. he has doted on me since i was little. despite the 8 year difference between us, we are close. we always have been and i hope we always will be.


i am currently in the denial stage-- it seems silly that i won't see him at sunday dinners, or that we can't just meet up for a burger or people-watch at nordstroms {which is a blast, btw}. his opinion has always been important to me and without him here in the same state everything seems different.

 

 

 

  

saying goodbye to my sister was hard because i don't have denial to comfort me. she married her hubster dan-the-man when i was just 15 so we've been living separate worlds for 8 years. when we do get to spend inordinate amounts of time together, i love it! the past month, as well as my time in germany {march}, were absolutely wonderful.

i held back the tears when i hugged her little family in front of the ferris wheel, but i fell apart when it came time to say goodbye to her. she is my favorite sister. probably because she's my only sister,  but more likely because she rocks. tea parties and dress-ups were fun when we were little but now she gives such sage advice and always makes me laugh. her happiness is infectious and her caring tangible. she is an amazing example in me in everything she does and i can't imagine my life without her, dan-the-man, and the munchkins.

 

thankfully my parents return from arizona in a few days, so i'm not a complete orphan.


lucky for me, i get to spend forever with my fam. that makes the separation of siblings for several months seem easier, since i know i have an eternity of shenanigans and time together ahead.

#facepalmmoments

i have had some moments with this boy.
embarrassing, oh-my-gosh oh-my-gosh i-can't-believe-i-just-did-that, moments.


amazingly, he still thinks i'm great or something.


1. at the beginning of our dating escapade i meant to send a text, about him, to ali. only, i sent it to him. oy vei. 


it was something to the effect of "i just found out something about mr. k and now i can't date him"
*which, for the record, turned out to be a big fat lie.

i gasped and bent over, nearly hyperventilating. this was bad. this was soooo bad!

immediately i sent "just kidding!"

he was not fooled. there was no un-sinking the titanic after that iceberg so the next day, and several texts later, i mustered my courage and marched {actually slithered} up to him. I said my piece, he said his, and somehow we got things figured out. then he sent me flowers because he's sweet. 

2. i've known mr. k for two years. that should be enough time to know how to spell someone's name, right?

the night before this embarrassment, he carried me like a sack of potatoes and set me on the trunk of mcsteamy {my newly washed car, thanks to him}. i fumbled around with my words, not knowing how to have the dtr but knowing i wanted whatever we were doing to be more than just casual dating. mr. k just patiently smiled. 

"at what point do we transition? to boyfriend/girlfriend, i mean. it's been so long since i've done this..."

"when you're ready, i'm there"

*melt my heart a little? yeah.

so the next day, despite being exceptionally tired, i wanted to be a top-notch girlfriend, especially after all mr. k had done for me. 

i wrote him a card. 

inside i signed "your secret admirer", put in on the windshield of his truck, and was so proud of myself. i still had girlfriend skills. booyah.

a few hours later mr. k texted me: "you have some competition! i have a secret admirer :) she doesn't know how to spell my name, but she is sweet".

face. palm. 

of course mr. k put the picture on facebook. his brother commented, "if a girl knows you're yummy she at least knows how to spell your first name"

right you are kent, right you are.

i was just tired?

i played it off that i meant to misspell it, so i could put "unbelievable" on it. mr. k didn't buy it, but he still liked the gesture and still teases me about it.

man i'm a dufuss sometimes. 

3. it was in the middle of our lovely day at lagoon. 

 while the kiddies were enjoying the boat ride {again} i leaned against mr. k on a nearby bench. suddenly i saw a familiar face! i jumped up with excitement and hugged my friend jody, who i had not seen in years. we animatedly conversed until my sister bounded over to join the conversation. abruptly i realized how rude i was being by not introducing jody to mr. k and my cousin. i turned and said,


"this is my friend... i mean... boyfriend"


awkward. 

it was the first time i had introduced him to anyone as "my boyfriend" and i simply froze.

afterwards he mercilessly teased me, since we were just "friends". with his quick wit he mentioned to me later, "if you hadn't of corrected yourself i would have said, 'hi i'm kortney her friend/love monkey'"

'love monkey' stuck.

so there you have it folks-- the three potentially worst things you could do-- send the wrong text, misspell your boyfriend's name, and introduce him as your 'friend'. i am doing well so far. i hope i don't keep making a fool of myself. even if i do, i have a feeling he'll stick around.

a keeper

here's the skinny on mystery man:


we went out two years ago. uno date.
it was a good first date but i was still in love with missionary man and he wanted to spoon me.

it's true.

after that he was my buddy. we talked about our relationships as we cycled through people with an undercurrent of flirtatiousness. i never thought i would date him, but slowly the friendship evolved. he asked me out again.


i said no.
{poor guy} 
i wasn't ready.


so he bid his time and played his cards well, waiting out the months and always being sweet.
one day he shot me this text:

"i know we've tried this before but i'd still like to take you out"

i replied "ok"

on a friday he kidnapped me to stewart falls. i timidly put my hand in his on the hike up and we talked and talked and talked. he seduced me with cafe rio after, then we cuddled at my apartment while watching a movie. towards the end i turned towards him and our lips met. 

he's such a goof ball

wow.  

suffice it to say, the 5 month kissing drought ended with a bang. 

i've seen him every day since. 

often multiple times a day.

dating still scares the crap out of me but he listens to my worries, and when i won't talk he carries me like a sack of potatoes and sets me on the trunk of my car until i do. he is hands down the sweetest boy i have ever dated.

i didn't know dating could be this fun, or that someone could make me feel this special.

and i certainly didn't think i could care about someone this way again.

i like it because it's easy. no stress or frustration. just simple.

and completely unexpected. 

i would be remiss if i did not share just a few of the sweet things he's done:

he had a beautiful bouquet of flowers delivered to me at work.

he bought me double-stuff oreos one day. and kneaders. just because. 

he showers me with sincere compliments, until i blush.

he buys me slurpees.

he asks me on dates and opens my door.

and here's the real kicker-- not only did he get the oil changed in my car but he surprised me by washing it aaaaand vacuuming out the disaster inside. i almost cried when i saw it.

he seems like a keeper to me.