Tuesday, July 26, 2011

love will not break your heart

"there will come a time, you'll see, with no more tears. and love will not break your heart but dismiss your fears"
- mumford & sons

i slept in my childhood room, enveloped by faint pink heart wallpaper, the night before seeing huntman. my eyes glossed over with fear beneath the polka-dot sheets-- not for the deep darkness or for monsters creeping beneath my mattress, but for the fear of love.

with concentrated trepidation, i pulled into the church parking lot sunday afternoon. my momma held my hand as my high-heeled legs shook to the door, and laughed with me as i debated with angst whether i should have gum or not. after 30 seconds of vigorous chewing and spinning in circles for a garbage can she took it from me, instructing me to breathe.

bungee jumping was nothing to the terror i felt before my eyes and heart settled on huntman. 

after countless nervous glances our eyes met, his smile melted me, and a thousand memories came rushing back to me. and i breathed-- good and deep and long. he was home

after the church meeting {in which i continually stared at him to make sure he would not evaporate, or better yet be like harry potter and apparate} i lollygagged with his family, having lost sight of him. time seemed to drip slowly on until i saw him again-- we were mere feet away now, the closest yet. he stood tall in the doorway to the cultural hall and softly said, "come here". his arms wrapped around me. as i breathed in and he whispered in my ear, i knew that i was home, too.  it was natural and easy and familiar. it was the comfort and beauty of a dream with firm ground beneath.

we rode in the car, later. with my hands on the steering wheel and a smile dancing across my nervous face, the chorus reverberated: "all this time we've been waiting for each other, all this time i've been waiting for you". he held out his large hand to me and i unquestioningly took it. as our fingers knowingly intertwined my whole soul sighed and i became too distracted by his green eyes.

it felt as if we had never been apart-- we seemed to fall right back into pace with one another, swinging our arms as we played sardines with the kids, smiling until we laughed, nestling my forehead beneath his strong jaw. 

at dusk we slipped away to the firepit beyond his house, next to the creek. with the fire crackling and the cool water rushing over rocks we embraced. i could have held on to him forever. it almost felt like forever, holding each other in the quiet dusk without saying anything. and then i looked into his eyes and without hesitation our lips met. no amount of words could describe the perfection and magic of that moment.

on our walk the next day by the creek and on the country road in the filtered shade of grand trees, we talked.  about the past 2 years and our future. we established an "us" again-- he and i are now a we, and i could not be more incandescently happy.

we are tackling the long distance until january, when he will move to provo. neither of us could imagine it any other way- than being together. we'll see each other occasionally {thanks to delta perks} and talk, often {well, once he gets a phone}. the details will work themselves out, they always do. 

"love will not break your heart but dismiss your fears". huntman washed away every fear and doubt and worry of the past 2 years. i can honestly say i have never been more confident in my decision or happier than i am with him by my side.

*i hope that assuages the "details" some of you were yearning for. 
if not, here are some pictures to fill in the gaps.



huntman and i

the huntman and i are now a we.
we could not be happier.
magical details to come-- stay tuned!

Thursday, July 21, 2011

all this time

tomorrow tomorrow tomorrow tomorrow tomorrow tomorrow tomorrow tomorrow!!!!!!

tomorrow! tomorrow! i love ya, tomorrow! you're only a day away!

tomorrow marks 2 years. exactly.

2 years, 24 months, 104 weeks, 730 days... and now, less than 24 hours until he is home.


we have 3 binders of letters. they tell the story of us, these past 2 years, with flashbacks into our shared memory. they document our jokes and frustrations, how we have grown in our separate lives after being near inseparable. they are us.

 dozens of untold stories are on the tip of my tongue-- ones i cannot wait to share, as well as hear. 
 but we've got time. 

come sunday morning, all that will be on my mind is his handsome face and deep voice. the stories can certainly wait.

Tuesday, July 19, 2011

hooligans unite

it's been a good two months since i've been on a legit date-- asked out days in advance, the boy paying, a plan of some-sort... and it was disastrous. remember?

not to say that boys have not been chivalrous and picked up the tab and all that jazz, or taken me on a group-date to the real salt lake game when their girlfriend was in disneyland... that's all gone down. 

but just what should happen the week of huntman's homecoming? i get legit asked out, 3 times. twice in one day, even...what is the DEAL?

i find it comical, really. where have all these hooligans been? living under a stupid rock or something. that's where.

i pray i make it through this weekend unscathed-- from a fiiiiiiirst date with boy#1's FAMILY at the motab concert {believe me, i've tried to concoct a graceful way to say no after saying yes, but nothing graceful exists} and a semi-date with boy#2's grandparents, to live to see huntman before i spontaneously combust from nervous excitement.
wish me luck! 

Saturday, July 16, 2011


this blog has dilapidated into a dire corner of the internet. sadly, so sadly,the words which use to come so easily have become a recluse to me. it is my renewed intention to revive the words, my words, which have sifted into dust.

when life was busier my words always found their way, through sleep and stress and heartache, they always formed into sustenance-- for this blog and for my sanity. and while my undergraduate days have gone, life still finds me scrambling.  this blog has been neglected because, if i'm being honest with myself, the words are bottlenecked inside of me. words and thoughts about huntman, choices, fear and love and sacrifice, desertion and goodbye... it all came crashing in on my independent self. i did not want to write because i did not want to think. i was happy. i am happy, truly, but to think of such things caused a little pain and i shunned the possibility of pain abruptly and without regret. that is, until i remembered my poor abandoned blog, which has seemed rather superficial as of late.

if i am not honest, to a degree, on this blog i am not being honest with myself. take it or leave it, but writing is my salve, assuaging the bits of life that poke so i can live more fully and freely.

today is not the day to delve into the words bottlenecked inside, but soon i shall, because i can feel the words easing their way back to me, finding the home i have opened up for them once more.

Tuesday, July 12, 2011

kicks and giggles

i have been needing an extra helping of laughter as of late, and how could i not share with you the breathless giggling and tears of comedy?

- potter puppet pals
- my jeans & omg by jenna rose
- miranda sings
- charlie bit me

a sampling of the joy that awaits you:
fact: chuck norris' patronus is chuck norris
to-do list: instead of giving your significant other flowers to watch die, send flowers to your enemy with a note that reads, "you're next!"

dear nemo, 
oh no, your mom died too?
sincerely, bambi, belle, ariel, cinderella, anastasia, jasmine, etc. 

dear boys, 
please find a new way to break my heart. i'm running out of ways to put it into a song.
sincerely, taylor swift

... a sampling...

"hipster trap"

oh man... these kill me. in the best way possible.

Monday, July 11, 2011

stairs of color


i want these stairs. i don't know where and i don't know how, but one day i want these stairs to be mine.

if you care to see other incredible street art, go here. it does not disappoint. in fact, it may just blow your mind.

Friday, July 8, 2011

go shawty, it's your birthday

i had the loveliest of birthdays. 

it began with a birthday breakfast, at magelby's, with some family and friends.
unlimited french toast with fresh strawberries, syrup, and cream. bring it.
 {my sister and i}
 {momma and chelsea}
 {ali and i}
 {my cute niece}

 {the cuddliest bay-bay and i}

following our scrumptious early morning feast, the three musketeers {my momma, bestie, and myself} hit up old navy to find some stellar clothes--including the world's cutest blue floral dress {with ruffles!} and a cute shirt for a certain homecoming in 2 weeks. the celebration continued at the mall with manicures for chelsea and i and a pedicure for the momma. crackle nail polish is pretty rad.

after farewells i ventured to meet a friend to attempt disc golfing. i sucked it up, big time, especially since he has been in tournaments for that sort of thing. but we had a blast,  regardless of my floppy throws and the scorching sun. he said i have promise, so who knows-- i may be the next big thing in disc golfing ;)

my bestie and i then saw transformers 3-- which is aaaawesome! a thousand times better than the 2nd one. perhaps i should marry optimus? clearly him and ronald are my two leading men at the moment.

immediately following transformers a few friends met at texas roadhouse, and blast my birthday brain, i forgot to take pictures! but it was delicious, i rode the saddle, and two waitresses asked where my boots were from (thank you ebay and kenny rodgers) which made me feel like a cool cowgirl. plus free ice cream! score. oh, and did i mention the rolls? because they were divine, as was my steak.

my wonderful, beautiful, and talented roommate ali made me these, magically waiting back at our apartment:
they were perfect in every sense of the word.
i made a wish...not for a pet dragon, as my nephew did on saturday, but for something which i think could be even better {although there is arguably nothing greater than a pet dragon to my 5 year old nephew}.

so far, 22 is rockin my socks. 

my wish is already beginning to come true, thanks to the remarkable people who fill my life. 
i think this shall be a splendid year! 

Tuesday, July 5, 2011

a whole year older

tomorrow is the anniversary of my birth.

22 sounds sophisticated and established, with enough young blood to be mischievous on the weekends. 21 has been good to me but i am anxious to part ways, to make room for 22 to sprawl out with reckless poise.

tomorrow is the last big milestone before the huntman comes home. all this time i did not count down the days, i counted down the milestones-- holidays, birthdays, events, and the like. one more christmas... one more general conference... one more birthday...and now, it's here! gah!  i suppose the last milestone could be the hp7 premier, but the birthday is officially the last big milestone.

i am a soul who does not believe in working on birthdays, and in eating as much delicious food as possible with the best company {most especially on the birthday}.

and so, that is the plan for the birth day:
breakfast at magelby's with {some}of my family, a wee bit of shopping, transformers 3, a new adventure {weather permitting} of disc golfing, and texas roadhouse with a few of my favorites. and what would a birthday be without cupcakes??
{whipped up with the best ingredients by my fabulous roommate, alihandra, aka "queen of baking"}
gosh i love birthdays. the presents are an added bonus, to be sure, however the best part of birthdays consists of life being paused for a day while i grow a whole year older with some of my favorites.
i can hardly wait to celebrate.