love will not break your heart

"there will come a time, you'll see, with no more tears. and love will not break your heart but dismiss your fears"
- mumford & sons


i slept in my childhood room, enveloped by faint pink heart wallpaper, the night before seeing huntman. my eyes glossed over with fear beneath the polka-dot sheets-- not for the deep darkness or for monsters creeping beneath my mattress, but for the fear of love.

with concentrated trepidation, i pulled into the church parking lot sunday afternoon. my momma held my hand as my high-heeled legs shook to the door, and laughed with me as i debated with angst whether i should have gum or not. after 30 seconds of vigorous chewing and spinning in circles for a garbage can she took it from me, instructing me to breathe.

bungee jumping was nothing to the terror i felt before my eyes and heart settled on huntman. 

after countless nervous glances our eyes met, his smile melted me, and a thousand memories came rushing back to me. and i breathed-- good and deep and long. he was home. 

after the church meeting {in which i continually stared at him to make sure he would not evaporate, or better yet be like harry potter and apparate} i lollygagged with his family, having lost sight of him. time seemed to drip slowly on until i saw him again-- we were mere feet away now, the closest yet. he stood tall in the doorway to the cultural hall and softly said, "come here". his arms wrapped around me. as i breathed in and he whispered in my ear, i knew that i was home, too.  it was natural and easy and familiar. it was the comfort and beauty of a dream with firm ground beneath.

we rode in the car, later. with my hands on the steering wheel and a smile dancing across my nervous face, the chorus reverberated: "all this time we've been waiting for each other, all this time i've been waiting for you". he held out his large hand to me and i unquestioningly took it. as our fingers knowingly intertwined my whole soul sighed and i became too distracted by his green eyes.

it felt as if we had never been apart-- we seemed to fall right back into pace with one another, swinging our arms as we played sardines with the kids, smiling until we laughed, nestling my forehead beneath his strong jaw. 

at dusk we slipped away to the firepit beyond his house, next to the creek. with the fire crackling and the cool water rushing over rocks we embraced. i could have held on to him forever. it almost felt like forever, holding each other in the quiet dusk without saying anything. and then i looked into his eyes and without hesitation our lips met. no amount of words could describe the perfection and magic of that moment.

on our walk the next day by the creek and on the country road in the filtered shade of grand trees, we talked.  about the past 2 years and our future. we established an "us" again-- he and i are now a we, and i could not be more incandescently happy.

we are tackling the long distance until january, when he will move to provo. neither of us could imagine it any other way- than being together. we'll see each other occasionally {thanks to delta perks} and talk, often {well, once he gets a phone}. the details will work themselves out, they always do. 

"love will not break your heart but dismiss your fears". huntman washed away every fear and doubt and worry of the past 2 years. i can honestly say i have never been more confident in my decision or happier than i am with him by my side.

*i hope that assuages the "details" some of you were yearning for. 

if not, here are some pictures to fill in the gaps.