life lately

 mine and ali's little condo is coming together nicely. our giant tube tv is still on the floor, which i'll admit is slightly ghetto, but we're working on the furniture thing. i promise i'll put up pictures soon of the apartment, but in the meantime, here's what's been happening lately:

 zucchini! let the baking begin!

 ali graduated! oh happy day. so proud of her!

 helaman halls. 5 years later. 

 birthday cupcake for keat {mr. k's little brother}

 {salem days}

 new book

 my award. booyeah. 

 {i rather like working with chalk.}

 i came home to find this. that man.... he's a good one. 

 one of my best friend's got married!

 me and jesus goofing off at work. gotta love fake glasses!

 i had a kankle from a spider bite. it was really attractive. 

$5 sunglasses. score!

demolition derby

i suppose you could say i was raised as a city girl. mr. k has introduced me to a great many things of the country. one of them being, demolition derbys. 

after a delicious bbq, some of his family, mr. k, and i went to the spanish fork stadium for a good time of rowdy car collisions, trucks flipping, and even an engine fire! two days before this i had to timidly ask, "umm, what is a demolition derby? is that with the monster trucks?"

mr. k just shook his head. 

i'm slowly learning.

 {typical}

 

 

 so crazy!

 it was loud but a lot of fun!

these is my words

the other night i laid on mr. k's lap reading 'these is my words' while he watched pre-season football. and it was rather perfect, him doing his thing, me doing mine.

mr. k mentioned to me a quote he picked up from 'white collar':

"i sat watching the game and my girl was there with me reading a book, 

and that's when i knew i was the luckiest guy in the world".

i love that quote because i love to read. i like to watch football but i prefer college over nfl, and i prefer reading over sports any day. he's fine with me reading, not paying attention to the game, just like i'm fine with him watching and playing with my hair. it's a nice comfortable unspoken agreement. 

i have made good on my new year's resolution to read more books. 

i just finished 'these is my words' and cried like a baby. i shed a few tears when dumbeldore died in harry potter, but i sobbed for a solid ten pages at the end of this book. it is fantastic. i want to re-read it immediately and underline my favorite passages, or start on the sequel. i can't decide. 

the characters are real and dynamic. i found myself wrapped up in sarah {the heroine's} words, agreeing with her sentiments and falling in love with captain jack elliott alongside her. i wholeheartedly agree with ali that captain jack elliott is the finest, most imperfectly perfect fictional man. ever. i've always liked my men manly, and that he is. strong, good-hearted, and stubborn. sarah surmises it by saying, "that man makes me feel like a have my bonnet on backwards."

"i might like to have someone courting me. but it would have to be someone who is a square shooter and who has a train load of courage. and it would have to be someone who doesn't have to talk down to folks to feel good, or to tell a person they are worthless if they just made a mistake. and he'd have to be not too thin...i want a man who can hold me down in a wind. maybe he'd have to be pretty stubborn, i don't have use for a man that isn't stubborn. likely a stubborn fellow will stay with you through thick and thin"

i wish i had listened to my momma and ali months ago, when they urged me to read it.

 i promise you this-- if you read it, you will love it. 

you will laugh and cry out loud and thank me for the suggestion. 

now get yourself over to a barnes & noble. stat.

mormon marriage mold

mr. k and i. we've been friends for two years and dated just over two months.

he knows me, quite well. we're very fond of each other. since our dating escapade began there has been one day where we didn't see each other. he takes care of me when i'm sick and makes me laugh every day. the relationship has potential-- clearly-- but i am not the stereotypical mormon girl and we are far from the stereotypical mormon couple. 

for some people, they know.  

faster than lightening.

and while it seems a bit bizarre and crazy, i respect that.

it's just not me. 

i am still baffled by the half-a-dozen engagements that have popped up on facebook of couples who have known each other less time than mr. k and i have dated. what? i want to pull a sassy gay friend and say, "what, what, WHAT are you doing?"

am i the only one that is terrified by forever? 

having almost gone down that road not too long ago, i get how sparkly diamonds are and how exciting wedding dress shopping can be. but, marriage is about more than a fancy wedding and getting it on {marvin gaye style}. 

marriage is for-ev-er.

say it with me smalls-- for-ev-er.  

it seems wherever i turn people are asking when mr. k and i are tying the knot. 

i can't even express my frustration at {random} people's nosiness and unsolicited advice of when we should be getting married! mr. k has it even worse-- people tell him at least weekly he needs to propose before i get away. ahem--may i reemphasize-- two months people! 

i believe in dating through the seasons. i want to know who i'm going to marry. i don't want to just go off a warm-fuzzy feeling because that could be oxytocin or my sex-drive talking. 

i want to see my future hubster in all kinds of situations-- see him with his family, friends, and kids; experience his range of emotions-- upset, happy, tired, scared, goofy, grumpy; talk about big issues and insecurities; do the dishes together; know where he stands and what he believes in.

it takes time to know someone. you don't need to get married fast to prove your love-- i think the more deeply you know someone the more capable you are of loving them completely. 

i guess what i'm trying to say is...

i don't fit the mormon marriage mold.

 {thank heavens}

mr. k and i are going by our own dating agenda.

cyber pda

i truly abhor cyber pda.

you know what i'm talking about-- the facebook statuses that make you go dizzy from rolling your eyes or those special picture captions that trigger your gag reflex.

"leaving my wifey to go to work this morning was the hardest thing i've ever done".

{really? i think you're being a little dramatic sir}

"nothing prepared me for the priviledge of being yours"

{vom.it. eww}

what is this cheesiness crap, i ask?? why do people feel the dire need to share their intimate relationship details with their 734 facebook friends acquaintances? your mom probably doesn't even want to hear those things. please don't make the rest of us suffer. now i'm all about sweet nothings...but on your own time, people! send a text, give 'em a call, heck, kick it old school and leave a note on their windshield. just don't shove your unwanted relationship 411 in my face. please and thank you.


unrelated, i love the "+ 30 second" button on the microwave. i love it. so much so that i will never buy a microwave without it. it's evolved into a deal breaker for me.

also, don't you hate it when you're sitting on an automatic toilet and it flushes while you're still sitting there? awkward. 

the end.

investments

"where you invest your love you invest your life"
-mumford & sons

i'm not good with stocks-- wallstreet baffles me. i don't care to fathom why some investments turn bad and others reep gold untold. what i do understand? love is a risky business of investments.  as c.s. lewis says, "there is no safe investment. to love at all is to be vulnerable". months after a withering bankruptcy, i'm standing on the tide of ever-changing love, teetering with the wind of change afraid of falling. yet i can't back down. i'm invested.

"they say the bigger your investment, the bigger your return. but you have to be willing to take a chance. you have to understand, you might lose it all. but if you take that chance, if you invest wisely the pay off might just surprise you."
-meredith grey

fearing happiness

when things get to be too much, i run...
or adeptly slink away while he snores.

thoughts were bursting in my mind. i could hear my voice saying them aloud but my vocal chords felt trapped, strangled by my heart, and so i stayed silent.

i know there will be hell to pay tomorrow... but i was too afraid to stay and have to utter more of myself aloud. half of me wants him to call, to come screeching over in his truck and knock softly on my door. the other half-- the fearful half-- dreads anything but sleep.

"we fear happiness because we fear failure. but we must overcome [this] fear. we must be brave. it is one thing to speculate about what might be. it is quite another to act in behalf of our dreams, to treat them as objectives that are achievable and worth achieving. it is one thing to run from unhappiness; it is another to take action to realize those qualities of dignity and well-being that are the true standards of the human spirit.

— tim o’brien, going after cacciato 

i do fear happiness because i fear failure. i fear being left. i fear not being enough.
i'm afraid of happiness because i'm afraid it will leave me again. but i better get over myself and carpe the hell out of the diem, right?

lovely songs

obsessed is an understatement. i want you to listen to these lovely songs on repeat with me.