plan b

once upon a time i was an idealist:
i would be the girl who would beat the odds-- my missionary and i were made for each other, our relationship was sanctioned by the heavens before the dawning of time, etc. 

if we were playing a game of b.s. i would be holding all the cards.

now, 8 months after that train derailed the crazy tracks, i literally cringe when i read/hear girls make similar comments/implications about their boyfriends and/or missionaries. because the truth of the matter (the truth i never wanted to hear until it was too late) is that chances are, it won't work out. life happens, people change, and sometimes you are left alone to pick up the pieces of what you thought was your happy ending.


so i'm sharing this for no other reason than to offer hope. hope to anyone who may have been in a similar situation, hope to anyone who might be heartbroken about the changes life and others' agency bring. i wish this article had been out 8 months ago because it would have answered many of the questions that kept me up at night, settled many of the doubts and discouragement i felt about myself, love, and god. honestly, as i read it in church a few weeks ago on my phone i was simply stunned. i kept thinking "oh. my. gosh. oh. my. gosh." it was like reading my life, 7 months after the fact.


i recommend the entire article, but here are a few snippets that echo my experience.


{alessia}
“our story was so beautiful that, even though we had the normal difficulties that every couple encounters, we thought the relationship would never end. while he was gone [on a mission], i began to know myself better. i realized that many things in my life were not yet right and that many times i had hidden behind some silly ideas rather than humble myself and face reality. i had been living in a kind of fairy tale, as if being in love were enough to make everything turn out right, and often this caused me to overlook the most important things.” 
still, alessia expected a happy reunion and continued relationship after her boyfriend’s mission. however, upon his return, the couple dated only a short time before breaking up. "it was one of the most painful moments i can remember."

*soooo freakily similar

{todd}

“heartbroken could not express my feelings strongly enough. there were so many unanswered questions in my mind; it didn’t make sense. i had received a confirmation in the house of the Lord, and now our relationship was over. my testimony had never been tested this hard. i didn’t know how i could ever trust a feeling of confirmation again. i had always trusted in the Lord and tried my best to keep the commandments, it all seemed for naught.”

“i didn’t have all the answers to why i got a confirmation to marry someone, and it didn’t happen. but I realized that didn’t matter. what did matter is that i still had faith in Christ, and i was going to use that faith to trust in whatever the Lord had in store for me.”


“i often wonder why the Lord blessed me with someone as great as my wife when i struggled so long to fully trust the feelings of the Spirit. it is a testimony to me that the Lord is waiting to bless us, but it’s always on His timetable.”




this is my favorite quote which sums everything up nicely:

"[you] may find that “plan B” was simply a way of making His “plan A” a reality."