i blame my dirty looks on lack of sleep

i think it is safe to say it is harder to love people when you're tired.

as in, not possible to give them the benefit of the doubt when you're sleep deprived. 

severely.
and when you realize you will yet be sleep deprived for an additional 4 days because there is a blasted paper to write (which is thus far, impossible) and employment and two tests (one being neurobiology-- eek!) and general conference (yay!) and necessities like showering and eating. and grey's (of course). 

yes.

people are irritating. 

random people on campus, mostly.
little tidbits of personality that would normally brush right past me bristle my annoyance.

i need to get some sleep.

then just maybe i won't be so irritable.

it's britney, b*$#%

day 13: a song that is a guilty pleasure

britney.
i know, i know. . .
she's a psychotic skankatronic hoe-bag and her music videos are beyond suggestive and obscene.

but i can't help but love this crazy bald-blonde-brunette beauty. even if she's a little misled, her music is catchy and i must admit, i went and saw her in concert. and you know what? it was awesome!

plus. britney spears' themed glee this week?!
loved it. 

voldermort wouldn't even recruit them

there is a couple. a couple in l-o-v-e.
{not to be confused with the green plaid couple}. 

this couple is even worse.

granted, they're in my lds marriage and family class but... still. 

they sit in the middle aisle, boy behind girl, second and third seats from the front. basically, the direct focal point of the classroom.

they are so obviously in love, and it makes me want to gag.
 because he rubs her back. constantly. a neck rub here, a shoulder rub there. sometimes he rubs her down with 2 hands. other times he scratches the square between the silhouette of her bra straps or takes his pencil to do the task.

ewww.

and she's just as bad. 

she lovingly grabs his shoe, or puts her hand up by her shoulder so they can clasp hands awkwardly while in class.

it's only 50 minutes people! 

i do believe your hormones can calm down for that small window of time. 

when the professor says, "men, sometimes you just need to hold her"
she turns around with googly eyes and a sly smile to whisper, "you're good at holding me"
and he protests.
and she protests back.
and then they're just smiling.
and you want to vomit.

it is terribly distracting.

fortunately, i have the class with my married friend ajo. and so, we laugh about their ridiculous unnatural displays of pda and write comments about how gross they are, along with sketches of voldermort.

because, that is quite fitting.

cardigan compliments, or the lack thereof

"modest is hottest"

really?

then why do men still oogle over boobs and thighs, midrifs and any form of scandalous skin exposure?!

*there seems to be a disconnect in boys attitudes and actions *

i've never been dubbed as "risque" since i pride myself on keeping the skin decently covered. 

but, may i point out, that i have great legs.
people have said they would kill for these babies.  frankly, i don't see their appeal, but the boys sure do like 'em.

i get comments when my jeans are tight or i'm out to sunbathe. 

sometimes,
 i just wanna show them off!

but... being mormon, i sacrifice this desire.  for the greater good-- so men won't be tempted or something like that.
plus i "respect" my body.

men don't  quite understand the inconvenience of modesty. when the dresses are too short and all the shirts too low, you must make do and improvise-- which typically is not the most fashionable.
sure, i could look like pamela anderson (minus the boobs) easily and for a whole lot less cash, but... if you're not a slut, don't dress like a whore.

all my years i have been fed the potentially true line: "modest is hottest".
now i really wonder, is it?

is modest hottest?

 because, {as ali said}
"you never get compliments when you're wearing a cardigan"

..............................................................

think on that, for a while.

it would be so great if boys noticed modesty rather than spandex.   

it would give more incentive to stay modest.

 which leads to this dilemma of mine:

what should i be for halloween?

because nothing is compatible with modesty. and this year, it might be nice to be noticed.

i'm thinking this
or this
or this
or perhaps even this.

it is even worth it to de-skankify the costumes?

not to worry,
i will wear a shade shirt, leggings, or something to cover up the astronomical amount of skin that would show with any of those costumes, but still...

it makes me wonder if men actually appreciate modesty when they only notice the immodest.

apostrophes

i had an epiphany. or as my friend calls it, an "apostrophe".

it came during class. this week i've actually been trying to apply what i learn to my own life. crazy, i know.

apostrophe #1

forgiveness does not equal trust.

i felt that by withholding my trust, i was impeding my own mercy. but this is not so. 

i have forgiven mr. practical brown shoe and i have forgiven gum stealer. i have forgiven many people and let the past go. but i can never lend my fragile trust into their destructive hands again.
that would just be idiotic.

i feel justified that my religion teacher wrote upon the board,

"forgiveness does not equal trust"

there's some sort of backing by God in that.

apostophe #2

there are egoists. and there are altruists.

of course, everyone prefers to be the later. but, everyone is the former, at one point in time or another.  

what really matters is how you view others. 

i discovered that i {shameful as it may be} view just about every male upon the planet as an egoist. just in it for the thrill. hit it and quit it. use and abuse. 

and then when they're done with you, they upgrade to the next best cell phone. because, that's what girls are to them-- tools for their own self-gratification.

i am aware this sounds... harsh. but... given my {recent} history, it's not surprising i feel this way at times. 

the problem occurs when you meet an altruist. they rub your feet and do your dishes and love you like there's no tomorrow. they love you for you. not because you give heavenly head massages and not because you're the world's best kisser (although, those are definitely perks) but because it makes you happy. even if they did not receive a single peck, they would love you just to see you smile.

when an altruist loves you, you keep waiting for their hedonistic nature to spring forth and burst your bubble of bliss. but, they're an altruist. and they're just about perfect... 

the world needs more altruists, damn it. 

the green plaid couple

i saw several things today which disturbed me and struck a chord of annoyance.

not that they impacted my day tremendously, but upon observing i was nauseous for a time.

first off:
the green plaid couple
they're in one of my classes-- both wore green plaid. not the same pattern but... still. we're in college, people. that was quirky. what i found unnerving was that he extended his arm across the aisle to grasp her arm awkwardly for nearly the entire 2 hour class period. occasionally she would have to re-situate herself to accommodate the foreign object in her desk space to be able to write.
dude, i know you love her and she's probably in line to be your next mrs., but you can lay off touching her for 2 hours.

next:
nose blowers.
i recognize that cold and flu season is upon us, but please-- if you're going to blow your nose loudly, go out into the hall so my ear drums are not punctured and the professor drown out. if you're the quiet sniffler, just discretely blow your nose rather than timidly sniffling for over an hour. just hearing the amount of snot the nose blower is snuffing out or sniffling back in really really grosses me out.
and most importantly, after you blow your nose, do not look at the contents inside your tissue-- especially when you sit in front of me and i catch a frontal view as well.

the best:
eraser
as i let my eyes wander during class, they settled upon an attractive man. what came next... well, i was not expecting it, and the deed took his attractiveness award down substantially.
sticking the eraser of his mechanical pencil inside his ear, he wiggled it around, removed the pencil, and after a glance, wiped the excess earwax on the desk. 
no. that did not just happen!
but it did.

i plead that individuals refrain from doing repugnant actions, because people like me are innocent bystanders.

please and thank you. 

everything

day 12: a song that makes you fall asleep

*i might have mixed up my days, skipping this one by accident. 

everything by lifehouse.

it makes me feel warm and safe and happy inside-- perfect conditions for sleep.

i recommend this video. the song is set to scenes from the notebook.
 only thing is, it's a little risque for about 20 seconds. the other 6 minutes are adorable happiness.

swing life away

day 11: a song from a band you hate

so, this band is scary. like, legit screaming and other things which i do not allow my ears to take in.
but somehow this frightening band whipped out this baby, a great chill song that reminds you life is easy and great.

i love it, and thank them for it.