an ex something-or-other

do you ever wonder,
"what. in the. hell. was i thinking?"


i went to costco on a work-errand today, and the turkey-provolone sandwich was mighty tempting. while standing in line awaiting a delectable lunch, staring at my cardboard box filled with cookies and potato salad {for tonight's relief society activity}, i glanced up at the precise moment an ex-boy-thing strolled by.

i have seen him twice since i broke up the relationship that didn't actually exist.  the first encounter, i nearly dove into prickly bushes; the second, i escaped a dimly-lit dance party before recognition could dawn on him. which,less eloquently put: i ran away.

today at costco we both 'pretended' we didn't see each other-- there was no acknowledgement, no eye contact. clearly things ended well.
i resumed staring at my box, he walked on.

but it wasn't before i noticed how terrible he looked. terrrrrible!
like, akin to a crack addict. slumped shoulders, gross plaid, flat matted hair, and this awful scruff of a face. hygiene was questionable.

at that moment i had no fight-or-flight reaction, no feeling, other than

"what in the world was i thinking when i let that disaster happen two + years ago?"

it's comforting to know everyone has that experience-- the " 'what. in the. hell. was i thinking?' moment" in regard to an ex-something-or-other. i pray i never make that mistake again and look back and think, "girl, what were you thinking?"