living the orange life-- the world of the home depot

I am standing in a GiGaNTiC warehouse with dauntingly long aisles the height of houses stuffed to the ceiling, literally, with things I have never seen before and others I don't even know exist.
I am o v e r w h e l m e d. What have I gotten myself into?

That was me 6 months ago when I began cashiering at The Home Depot.
On that first day about the only thing I knew, other than how to work within the radius of a cash register, was that the bathroom was half way back on the far wall by Tool Rental. Customers would misperceive my sheer terror as confidence and inquire the location of some obscure object which I had not the foggiest inclination of its function, or ask my opinion of which screw would be best to use for a 2 x 4 stud, or where breakers or filters or shelving or plywood or faucets or... Blank. That was what my mind was and what my face probably looked like. Oh those first several days I'm sure I called my dear head cashier a dozen times. As a customer would approach I would pray that they wanted to know where the bathroom was. Or paint! I knew where the paint department was! But no... usually it was something I had absolutely no idea.

A customer once asked how I liked working in a "man's world" aka Home Depot, suggesting the equivalent would be him selling bras at Victoria's Secret. Although I see his point in that I lack testosterone as he lacks breasts, I have evolved into a semi-knowledgeable Home Depot girl and actually love working in a "man's world". Despite the surge of estrogen rather than testosterone and differing anatomy I am proud to declare the factor of my gender does not hinder by ability to work in, and enjoy, a "man's world".

HoMe DePot ASSOCIATES

Home Depot itself is a friendly customer oriented company. The environment is laid back and welcoming, inviting the Construction Worker and Super Mom to come partake of the glorious selection of different departments: building materials, lumber, millworks, paint, hardware, plumbing, electrical, lighting, flooring, kitchen and bath, garden... You get my point. People make the environment what it is: enter associates! Part of the reason I love my job is the people I work with.

I have come to feel special at work as my co-workers say hello with a smile, notice when I have been gone for a while, and joke around about past events aka inside jokes. More than just pleasantries on the floor and in the break room I think I have come to make actual friends with my associates, especially my fellow cashiers and head cashiers. Indeed my bestie Chelsea works at Home Depot; it always makes the work day go by faster through interspersed talking and sharing of opinions. Home Depot also offers me protection-- okay, not like the mafia but pretty close. A concerned electrical associate offered me the protective services of his FBI friend if a certain gentleman continued bothering me. They've got my back. and I'm happy to have theirs.

HoMe DePot CUSTOMERS

All in all, Home Depot customers are happy. They know what they want, ask for help if they need it, and are on their way. Get in, get out, get on with it. My personal hypothesis is that because people typically don't opt to go to Home Depot to browse until something pops out at them and have an actual purpose to their visit (even if they get side tracked along the way) they are much happier than most retail customers. This is the part that makes my job rock. A new couple is overjoyed to buy paint to make their new house a home, a husband is excited to rip up the deteriorating carpet to surprise his wife with beautiful slate tile or glistening hardwood floors, a dad is buying lumber for his son's eagle scout project, a long-ago broken door handle is finally being fixed, the In N Out construction manager is buying 80 studs for the building's load bearing walls (yes, that really happened)... etc. There's a point to their visit and they're willing and grateful for help.

Of course there are disgruntled people out there who love to give people a hard time and make a good day bad by being a royal pain but... those are thankfully few and far between.

The most common customers at Home Depot are. . . the creepers. Okay, that's an exaggeration. Not most. But it sure seems like an awful lot of creepers. And I'm talking full-on married (or engaged) dirty (literally and figuratively) old (sometimes) men who think its perfectly acceptable to hit on you by saying SuPeR corny or inappropriate things that can only be followed by awkwardness.
Here are some of my favorite personal experiences:

"Did you find everything all right today, Sir?"
"Well... I found YOU so I think that counts as everything"

"How are you doing today?"
"Well my scenery just got a whole lot prettier, so I'd say I'm pretty damn good"

****On Halloween I was Pocahontas
"Are you suppose to be Sacajawea or something?"
"Sure"
"You almost make me want to me an Indian chief" (wink!)
---Shudder! Nervous uncomfortable laughter----

"Are you gonna take me to the hot springs?"
--Confusion on my part---
"Are you gonna wear a bikini for me when you take me to the hot springs?"
"Here's $13.50, Sir."

Then one day, Tweedle D and Tweedle Drunk came in, asking when I got off work and if I'd like to come have a drink with them. I politely declined and informed them I wasn't of the drinking age. These dirty (quite literally) construction workers tried to persuade me to watch them drink then, that I'd be good company.
Ummm.... No thanks.

One guy, who was actually close to my age, came in with what I am assuming was his little brother. He drawled out his voice as he asked,
"So... when do you get off tonight?"
"I close".
"Oh. Well, Becky, do you have plans after work?"
"Yes, I'm studying. I'm a nerd".
"Oh... okay"

I've debated wearing a fake ring to work. But even then the bad creepers will still hit on you.
Despite the Chester molesters and Lyle pedophiles, however, I do love Home Depot. Those are just my extreme examples. Most guys who come in are nice decent respectable wife-loving men.

HoMe DePoT ORANGE APRON

I've grown quite attached to my orange apron. It holds my pens, sharpie, gloves, exacto knife, store map, calculator, candy, hand sanitizer, and any other odds and ends I may need. It's lovely. Dirty but lovely.

I have come a long way from my first day on the floor. I now know much more than the location of the bathroom and paint department; I am certified in returns and self-check out and know that: breakers are on aisle 5, aisle 7 contains furnace filters, you'll find all the nuts and bolts you need on aisle 10, 14 has most obscure odds and ends as well as signs and door knobs. Studs are used for load-bearing walls. There are different kinds of sheetrock, i.e. regular, fireproof, and mold resistant which come 2 to a pack. Cement is not just cement. There's so much more to it. Also, I can tell the difference between cut and fender washers, 1/2 and 3/8 rebar, and am pretty good at guesstimating the sizes of hex nuts, 2 x 4s, and moulding. The sku for the yellow Morton salt pellets is 208 124 and a soda with tax costs $1.47, a 5 cent increase from 2009.

And that, my dear customer from long ago, is proof enough not only that I can work in a "man's world" but that I rock working in a "man's world". Plus I love it.