thump thump

thump thump
                       thump thump

a steady rhythm.
my heart beat the blood, pulsing and warm. the pain of my soul spread.

with my round cheek on the cool, white pillow i heard my heartbeat echo back to me, telling me i was alive. i had survived a hell of sorts but my heart was stronger, better without him.  to heal you need pain. i had felt the pain-- fresh and raw-- and now i felt the healing.

thump thump
                       thump thump



the dreams in germany brought about a missing i thought was gone, an ache constricting my lungs. the familiar feeling of brokenness consumed me for a night. i was homesick for him, despite his love failing me. dream after dream. i tossed and turned. the dreams evolved into memories and i saw the flecks of gold in his eyes until my pillow became damp.

but
"all I have to say is you don't deserve me, you don't deserve me
i'm finally walking away, cause you only hurt me
and you're not worthy" {kelly clarkson, the war is over}

thump thump

                       thump thump