Tuesday, October 9, 2012

change

i need to learn a balance.

as of late i have frequently found myself worrying in the back of my mind. mostly about change.

"people are always telling you that change is a good thing. but all they're really saying is that something you didn't want to happen at all... has happened" -kathleen kelly

change can be a bitch. i'm anticipating a whole host of changes in my life. it would be easier if everything stayed neatly organized and in its proper place in my life but just like one season wanes into another, life goes on.  the hardest part about change is it forces maturity and grace. it is expected that you'll adjust. it's only a matter of time before life pulls you along and you fall into step with the new changes. i always chuckle at my mother for her frustration with changing technology and swype texting when really, i'm no different. growing up frustrates me. big, important life decisions overwhelm me. losing people scares the hell out of me.

my two best friends in the world will be moving around the country in a matter of months. i pretend it's not happening, like i pretend lexie grey never died in the plane crash. i promised myself after the colossal break-up with hunter that i would never put a man before my professional goals. i believed i was brave for putting my trust in love, but in actuality i was naive stupid. now, i'm searching for a masters' program i'm interested in while simultaneously continuing the job-hunt for a grown-up job to pay grown-up bills to no avail. i have to decide now what i'll be doing next fall. and then throw mr. k into the mix and i'm in a pickle. within 6 months i'll need to find a new apartment and make the life-altering decision of if my next roommate will be a boy {marriage} or if i'll have to start all over with random girl roommates.

like i said, change is an imminent bitch. can i just live in "you've got mail", read books, and marry joe fox? or at least have brinkley. i'd be okay with just a dog.

1 comment:

Emily P said...

beck beck. What kind of job are you looking for? I think I know of one, but I am not sure you are interested. It is working for a doctor?? Text me!