101 days and counting

the road to marriage varies for everyone; for some it seems a simple and short thing, for others it is long and complicated. my little journey was filled with wonderful memories while simultaneously fraught with panic attacks.  the biggest concern that plagued my thoughts was "how will i know?"

everyone says "when you know, you know". but how would i know for certain? two years ago i had thought i knew, but it turns out i didn't know and only thought i knew what everyone was saying i should know. i didn't want to make the same mistake twice. 

i was largely certain that mr. k was the one. my one. but i still was afraid in the back of my mind that everything would fall apart again. just before valentines day i made up my mind and said in essence, "jesus, take the wheel". seemingly overnight everything fell into place. i felt at peace. my fears melted away like snow in spring sunshine. and i realized a great truth-- that i already knew. i had actually known for some time, since christmas perhaps. i had just been too stubborn to realize he is my perfect match. he is the one i want to spend the rest of my life with and on into forever. 

they should amend that statement to "when you stop worrying about when you'll know, you'll realize you already know".  

>>>>>>>>>>fast forward to saturday march 9th, 2013>>>>>>>>>>>>>

mr. k had already asked my papa if he could make me mrs. k. my mom had kissed his cheek and cried.

 i had bought the most perfect mint wedding shoes just the night before. my temple dress was on its way. 

things were in motion. 

i kept pestering kortney to take me ring shopping. not this week. we'll go first of next week, he promised with a kiss. by the way, we're going shooting with jeff and nicole on saturday.

nothing seemed out of the ordinary. they picked me up saturday afternoon. we chit-chatted and listened to kenny. we stopped at wal-mart for bullets, earplugs, and candy. our next stop was payson to pick up the rifle and shotgun. 

i was blissfully ignorant of the proposal conspiracy that had been in effect for weeks. his entire family knew, as well as half our co-workers. kortney re-created our very first date from 2 1/2 years before. it was very romantic. however, i didn't pick up on anything as kortney had been extra sneaky and instructed jeff and nicole to "suggest" everything. for instance, i was under the distinct impression it was jeff's dire need to go shooting so he could try out his new gun. i also believed we were going to fat jacks pizza for dinner because nicole had never been there. i didn't suspect a thing. three times during the double date i mentioned, "hey, we did this on our first date!". 

so we went shooting. it was windy and beyond freezing but we had fun shooting o'zombie bin laden and the teddy bear, along with coke bottles and random targets. 

next we went to fat jack's pizza. it is delicious. i recommend a. the cheesesticks of goodness and b. the hawaiian. it's worth the drive. 

after dinner it didn't seem like there was much of a plan. out of the blue the boys suggested they take nicole and i on the "payson tour"-- they're very proud of their heritage. we stopped by kortney's parents' house once again to drop the guns off. the boys ran inside and nicole and i discussed movies we could go see later that night (which obviously didn't happen). i'm telling you, they were experts at distraction. strangely enough the only place we went to on the "payson tour" was salem pond. jeff was adamant that nicole see the dock that kortney had jumped off of in high school in the middle of winter. before that though, we stopped at uncle lane's house on salem pond. once again i marveled, "hey kortney, we went here on our first date!".  the fact that we were supposedly going ring shopping the next week had disillusioned me of the possibility that mr. k might propose that very night. 

we drove over to the parking lot and exited kortney's big white truck. a few steps into our freezing stroll around the pond, nicole exclaimed she was cold and needed the other jacket from the car. kortney handed them his keys and they scampered off in the opposite direction, assuring us they'll meet us at the bridge. 

the night was beautiful. the lights were reflecting off the water and kortney held my hand tight as we walked around the pond's edge. soon enough we came to the bridge. 

"let's walk across it" he suggested.

"can we kiss in the middle??" i eagerly asked.

"yes."

and so we walked to the middle of the bridge and kissed. unexpectedly kortney got down on one knee while holding my hands. i stared at him blankly and said, "no. you're not. no!". i thought he was joking because how could he possibly have a ring? and if you've met kortney, you know he would kneel down acting like he was proposing only to tie his shoe. 

but he held on to my hands and looked up at me with the most earnest and sweet expression. he was 3 sentences in before i comprehended he was actually proposing. i blinked and tried to pull myself out of shock and back to reality. he said a lot of sweet things but in my dazed state i only remember what he said with emotion wavering his voice:  

"becky i love you more than anything... i've been looking for you my whole life... will you marry me?"

i momentarily stopped breathing. i couldn't wrap my mind around the fact that he had just proposed. i couldn't say anything so i kissed him with more joy than i had felt in my entire life. he pulled away and joked, "ummm, you haven't said yes or no yet" and i exclaimed "yes!". 

suddenly we heard the disembodied voices of jeff and nicole in the dark. a bright light lit up the bridge and they snapped photos and recorded us immediately post-proposal. 

*turn up your sound and wait for a few seconds-- you'll be able to see us!

 it was a very good night.

we went to coldstone to celebrate. 

for the next 24 hours i could hardly stop smiling. 

i was like a giddy little school girl. 

i quite enjoy referencing mr. k as "fiancee".
it is weird but this stage of our lives will only last 3 months. 

when i kiss mr. k now it seems completely different because i know he is mine in a way entirely different than dating. i always thought it cliche when people proclaimed they had married their best friend, but that's the way it should be. who better to spend the rest of your life with than your favorite person and deepest confidant?

suddenly forever doesn't seem like enough. 101 days and counting. 

june 22, 2013.

save the date friends.