edjumacated

i'm graduating.

i'm g r a d u a t i n g.

i'm graduating??

{serioously?}

i'm graduating!

no matter how many times i recite this to myself, in disbelief, joy, or trepidation, it does not seem real. not until the diploma is in my hand... and even then i'm subject to denial because, hello, i am 21 freaking years old! i am not ready to be an adult. i am not ready for grown-up decisions and stresses and the dreaded-but-always-expected real life.

i am venturing into the unknown with a bachelor degree behind my name and a heap of random facts and ideas jumbled inside my noggin. how am i prepared for anything, really? i mean, other than spare time to read-- that i am way past prepared for.

yesterday marked my final day of undergraduate classes. ever. in the history of my life.

and, i concluded-- i'm just not ready.

i'm not ready to leave byu-- i still don't know the names of all the buildings {as in, the obscure ones almost off-campus}. i've never kissed a byu football/basketball/baseball player, nor have i snuck onto the rooftop of the wilk {but man i came close once with huntman}. 

next week {graduation} closes the chapter of my life where i can say "when i was at byu..." or "when i was in college"... because it's over! whaaaat??

i love the trees on campus. i love studying in the fishbowl. i love looking out the windows of the SWKT or down from the balcony of the JFSB. i love cute boys in classes. i love carrying around books and wearing my nerd glasses to class. i love dressing up to learn. i love the quiet productivity in the library. i love the sea of colors and faces and voices i immerse myself in between classes. 

and now, i am no longer a part of it. an almost-alumna, to be sure, a blue-bleeding cougar, yes, but i am no longer byu.

sad pants.

i did not love everything about byu-- i hated the initial homesickness freshman year and some choice odious professors, along with the intense pressure to find your eternal lover-- but on the whole i love byu.

 and in my current nostalgic-state, i am going to miss it. all. 

to be honest, when i think of byu i hardly remember anything concrete from a class lecture. what i do remember is: late night studying with roommates, mojitos, football cheers, mackenzie burning garlic, concerts, the spontaneity of midnight denny runs and icecream for dinner, horrendous and hilarious dates, sliding down the icy hill in heels after church, cuddling with boys, youtube videos, countdown to christmas break, knowing i came to the right place 4 years ago, grey's nights, our secret hamster, cupcakes, moving all around provo, the rubber-band game, cherry brownies, wearing ridiculous attire for various reasons, movies in the park, roommates' boyfriends/fiances/husbands, pesto pasta, laugh-attacks, facebook stalking, the freshman firedrill...

so, so many memories and such fondness these college years will have in my heart.

now i suppose i am writing a new chapter, into which i will put a great many memories that are in-the-making.

my life: post-byu.

it's gonna be a gooood chapter, i can feel it!