a tassel to celebrate

how did i arrive here? at this moment in time, where a graduation gown hangs in my closet? 

i took the ACT and AP classes, i endured american heritage, i suffered through odious professors and horrible TA's, i was a TA, i wrote paper after paper after impossible paper, i studied for hours cramming to the point of forgetting my own name, i cheered at games, i waited in line at the testing center a million and two times, i lived in a cinderblock room, i ate at the cannon center... and it all seems a blur.

4 years. gone by in a blink.
am i really qualified to graduate??

sometimes i think i am so mature. i believe i have a handle on life, that i have years of wisdom and experience.
and then, sitting with 6,000 other graduates i realize that is the most absurd thing i could ever think.

i am suppose to be an adult by now-- it all seems too hefty a thing to fathom.

during commencement today i cheered and smiled and laughed and nearly cried, but my mind was often elsewhere. college graduation was that milestone on the horizon i never thought i would actually reach. and here i am, on the cusp of a diploma, and i don't know what to do once the sun sets.

this milestone-thinking made me extraordinarily happy my parents had driven down to see me in cap-and-gown and that tomorrow, even more of my most beloved people would be there, to support me.

extra-extra-ordinarily happy. 

{my name in the program}

but.

something was missing.  

i wanted huntman there, even more than a fat kid wants cake. i kept picturing him-- wondering if he was sleeping {most likely, as it was approximately 4 a.m. his time} and what he would say to me if he was there. funny thing is no words came to mind, only the image of his crinkled eyes and huge grin mingled with the memory of his arms around me. 

oh, i wish he could have seen me today. i wish i could have shared this big step in my life with him... but there will always be more milestones.

tomorrow i am donning my blue cap-and-gown once again {convocation} and celebrating my achievement with those in america i hold closest to my heart. i can hardly wait.