a bouquet of newly sharpened pencils

"don't you love new york in the fall? it makes me want to buy school supplies. i would buy you a bouquet of newly sharpened pencils if i knew your name and address. on the other hand, this not knowing has its charms"

-you've got mail-

a bouquet of newly sharpened pencils is perhaps the most exquisite thing i can imagine right now. the leaves will soon change and the school buses are already milling around, signaling the end of summer and the turning of the tide.   

today i am craving a dip in the pool or a walk along the beach-- some end-of-summer celebration. but really, deep down, i yearn for new pencils and books and learning!

it is oh so strange to not be organizing my fall schedule and sifting through a new planner. monday is the start of college for baby freshman and stoic seniors, but right now my backpack is stowed beneath my bed and the pencils are shoved in my top drawer of odds-and-ends.  sad pants. 

granted, graduation has it's perks-- no more tuition or late nights of cramming and/or paper composition.  

but in this moment i miss the excitement and uncertainty of the first day of school-- the trees bustling with a fall breeze and potential. i miss shining my shoes {so to speak} to learn. for all of my days since i was 5, i have donned a new outfit, squared my shoulders, and prepared to meet education enthusiastically head on come the end of summer. but now... monday will be just another work day. endless summer i suppose? oh to be young again... oh wait, i still am :)

now before you loathe me with jealousy or pity my predicament, my days of studying are far from done {GRE and graduate school coming right up} and there is an abundance i have not learned that i either want to or should to be a high-functioning adult in american society. 

so perhaps i will not be going to my first day of school monday morning but this post is my commitment to learn something new every day, and to keep on loving those bouquets of newly sharpened pencils. now if joe fox would send me some i think my life would be complete in a kathleen-kelly sort of way. 

p.s. a random thing i must say: cake-toppers are creepy. end of story. 

life lately

 {free movies in the park}

 {friends}

 {huntman}

 {snowcones}

 {draper temple}

 {i kinda like him}

{a lot}

 {do you see this?? 80's reincarnated. gross}

 {#20 NASCAR @ my home depot}

 {pretty morning}

 {i wrote on a map for a little flair in my new place}

 {hunt and my shoes-- it made me giggle}

{braid + pearls = 1950's housewife}

aaaaand a few signs from work:

{they were delish}

   {the new and condensed board}

it takes so much more

i find myself discovering, little by little, new gradations of happiness, of confidence, of purpose. nuances to some, and quite possibly invisible to most, i feel a grandiose change within me-- changes echoing back to being in a real-live adult relationship and the gushy love that comes along with that. 

perhaps it is because the actual fear of being left is vanishing rather than huntman. perhaps it is because i feel grown-up. perhaps because for the first time in a long time, i know that everything will turn out as it should, whatever that may be. 

"{relationships aren't} easy...it takes so much more than puppy love or chemistry or even the deepest of friendship to make it work." 

my wise blog friend natthefatrat {whom i don't actually know, but who's baby pictures i stalk} observed this.  right you are, nat.  

it takes much more. it's dedication and commitment to work things out until they are right-- even when it's hard. especially when it is hard. it's trust and hope in the other person. it's vulnerability and strength and courage and meekness. 

i like to think she would agree with me in saying that at the end of the day, when that same person is who you want to talk and laugh and sit in silence with, everything else is worth it. 

intermission

before his mission, i always knew the huntman was leaving-- that there would be a great interruption to our time together. and so, i held his hand tightly and savored every moment of our teenage dream together.

that long and terrible interruption passed-- miraculously and gratefully, the clock ticked away 2 years.

vaguely surveying the two year interruption in my current state, it almost seems simple and quick, like a slight jolt of time apart. but this weekend as i held huntman's hand and he held my heart, i marveled how i ever survived without my favorite boy next to me. 

joyfully there will be no more interruptions, but we do have a great many intermissions ahead. that's the package deal of long-distance.

 the great thing about an intermission is it's momentary. temporary. filled with popcorn and laughing, phone calls and a happiness sitting in silence.

300 miles can easily be bridged with a plane ticket. but for now, on this indefinite intermission from glorious weekend to glorious weekend, i'll get by with the sound of his voice and old pictures. 

and some buttery popcorn, for good measure. 

signing off for the weekend...

i'm off to be with my man for the weekend. 

oh, what adventure awaits us!

saucy and red

sauciness is proportional to the amount of 
red lipstick worn. 

at least i like to think so.

today i rocked a charcoal v-neck with a cream and black leopard cardigan, pearls, my dark-framed glasses, braided hair, and red red lips.

a co-worker said i looked like a 50's pin-up girl. 

i'll take it, especially since i'm on day 3 hair. but seeing as how my boyfriend lives in another state, i think it's okay to let the hair-washing and leg-shaving slide for a day or two.
...or three...
kidding. the shampoo and razor are calling my name.

a simple friday night

i have come to sincerely value my friday nights of doing nothing.

there is no comparison to a relaxing evening-- going to a {free} rooftop concert, indulging in a berry italian cream soda, watching an odd 90's jude law movie, and talking to my man on the phone. i believe it's the simple evenings of doing nothing grandiose that usually turn out to make the best memories. 

with her nose stuck in a book

bookstores are magical. the air inside is alight with possibilities and a thousand unread stories. bookstores embody the scent of fresh paper, wonder, imagination, and muffins. time seems to stop as you peruse comical and witty and telling titles, up and down the aisles. aisles holding a story that will become a part of your essence should you pick up that memoir or novel.

today i bought the {new and revised} kaplan gre prep book and vocabulary flashcards. hardly romantic or endearing, but a necessary evil amid fun and fanciful tales on either side.

i additionally bought a memoir-- the new york regional mormon singles halloween dance. because with a title like that, and a fascinating synopsis, all in the bargain section, how could i refuse such temptation?

above my desk i have a row of books needing my attention-- begging to be picked up, sadly pleading for the spines to be broken to reveal the mystery inside... oh, how i love to read! it is just the time i lack.

here is the book docket:
my life in france-- julia child {halfway through and loving her enthusiasm}
sarah's key-- tatiana de rosnay {my momma recommended it}
the elegance of the hedgehog-- muriel barbery {ali gave it to me for my birthday-- in addition to my life in france and a thai cookbook- and i've been dying to read it!}
say you're one of them-- uwem akpan
and of course, my new purchase the new york regional mormon singles halloween dance.

all of these books will unfortunately need to be spaced out between studying my little heart out for the gre. but since it is the weekend, i think i can indulge in a fun read.

where the sidewalk ends

...yes we'll walk with a walk that is measured and slow, and we'll go where the chalk-white arrows go, for the children, they mark, and the children, they know the place where the sidewalk ends. 
-shel silverstein

yesterday i discovered where the sidewalk ends-- with the assistance of a bright and vivid sign announcing such a thing. i feel that segments of myself will be young forever-- imaginative and adventurous and idyllistic. and it is those stubborn segments which refuse to grow-up that lead me softly to where the sidewalk ends and dreams begin.  

let the weekend commence! free rooftop concert {joshua james}, a happy haircut, and a wily wedding. 

p.s. i made a new page-- visit to see what i do at my day job, and behold the coolest aprons you've ever seen. 

happiness

all the boys of my history have found love. or their own form of happiness.

my first and longest friend has been married for nearly 5 months.
my first junior high crush married his best friend, and my friend, too.
the first boy i held hands with met and married a brunette.
my tall seminary co-president and almost-first-kiss married a blonde.
the boy who sang to me at the park while we sluffed pre-calculus married his high school sweetheart.
my brief half-black boyfriend married a rebel.
my old mexican lover is now engaged.

my first kiss is still a man-whore. bless his heart. 

a brief high school boyfriend is now gay. which really, explains so much.

and the rest all jumbles together. 

so many other dear boys in my life have found happiness with the girl of their dreams. and it makes me incredibly happy-- that we had what history we had and made the memories we did, but have moved on to grander things. to bigger love. to greater commitment. to the rest of our lives.

here i sit,  in a grown-up long-distance relationship. happy as can be. i get butterflies when huntman looks at me and bite my lip with glee when he calls. i have rediscovered happiness and love in a way i had forgotten.  while he was away i made my own happiness, discovering internal alleyways of creativity and sensibility.

but this sort of happiness cannot be wrought from thin-air with might and will-- it needs magic and time, both of which encircle the days ahead. days which will come with their own accord, days which i bravely welcome.

pinterest

sometimes i think i am incredibly technologically savvy-- up-to-date on the latest trends and in-the-know with "my" generation-- adept at texting and surfing the web, taking pictures {with a digital camera, oh my}, and even blogging. but then, i stumble across something that perplexes and intimidates me, but which holds my fascination.

pinterest.

i am oh, so new to it. as in...yesterday. i yearn to become a pinterest jedi master-- a yoda, if you will. unfortunately i've got to learn the force of pinterest because i'm just a baby anikan. not to worry, i won't go all crazy-sauce and join the dark side once i obtain jedi-pinterest-status.

i believe i could very easily become a pinterest addict, which is why i shall set limits and bounds for myself. are you into pinterest? i still don't entirely understand it but i'm certainly having fun!