christmas spirit + a thankful heart

i am full of the christmas spirit.

i realize it is oh so early but i have sugar plums dancing in my head. i typically abhor people that play christmas music the millisecond halloween is over but i had no choice-- on november 1st i was at costco and there it was-- the lady antebellum christmas cd for $8. how could i resist? at first i was just going to listen to one song. then it was on repeat. now here i am, $20 later on itunes, with a lovely christmas playlist. oy vei.

lately i have been asking nearly everyone what they want for christmas because i just want to SHOP and spread the love of giving {while in the process deplete my bank account...blast!}. i love this season. people are kinder. smiles come naturally with the tinsel and egg nog. everything is merry and bright and that happiness is infectious.

sure christmas can be stressful at times and it's not often easy on our wallets but i honestly feel so much joy sharing my love with others in this special way once a year. from january through november i show my love through different ways but come december it warms my heart to give something extra.

i love that thanksgiving precedes christmas. thanksgiving has always humbled me-- to realize everything i have on this good green earth is a blessing. tonight i went to fhe {a first in much too long} and my sweet bishop abram shared a message about gratitude. he advocated us to be thankful for everything in our lives-- even the challenges because they become blessings.

now comes the part where i get a lil' bit personal: exactly one year ago i tearfully begged, nightly, with the lord to "let hunter and i work out".  i pleaded that i would be happy again, that things could go back to the way they were, until i had cried myself to sleep.  every day without him my heart withered. for a brief weekend it seemed my prayers had been answered but 5 devastating days later we said goodbye. 

this week i was praying {something i'm trying to improve on} and out of the blue i was overcome with the deepest, most genuine gratitude that my heavenly father had not answered my prayers {the way i thought he ought to} a year ago. i never thought that day would come but i actually thanked him for not letting me have my way.  god has a plan so much greater than i can imagine-- he hadn't forsaken me but allowed me to grow stronger and realize that i deserve more. that love should be more. my life would have been an absolute disaster had i married hunter-- sooner or later i would have been miserable in laramie, wyoming ranching cattle and getting frostbite from the windchill.

if i demanded that things work out, i wouldn't have known how it feels to be validated or unconditionally loved. i wouldn't know the love and acceptance that comes with full vulnerability. i wouldn't know a wonderful family i have grown to love and adore. and most importantly, i wouldn't know myself or my savior to the degree i now do.

this post has taken a drastic detour from my opening line about christmas, but it somehow all fits together. thanksgiving prepares us to appreciate the miracle of christmas and the majesty of our savior jesus christ. his atoning sacrifice makes everything possible-- it healed my heart completely, it offered hope in his promises, and it transformed the hardest thing in my life into one of the greatest blessings.

and so, to wind down i hope you feel the christmas spirit soon. 

in the meantime "count your many blessings... it will surprise you what the lord has done".