the way i am

my longest friend is getting married.
{18 years of kindergarten and graduation, with cops and robbers inbetween}
when he told me on the phone i had to swallow before gushing congratulations! and elation. because i am immeasurably happy that he has found the girl he wants to spend forever with, and i honestly can't imagine a more perfect fit of a girl for him.
but i nearly cried because i am feeling awfully alone these days.

not alone in woeful sadness, but incomplete by myself.

ingrid said, "i gotta see if i'm all filled up when it's only me".

i'm not filled up. 

all this time alone, i thought i would be complete. full. devoid of a void. 

independent beyond measure.

but i regret to inform you. . .

i want someone to fill in the empty spaces.

to help me put the lonesome on the shelf. to water me with their laugh. 

to bury me in their quiet love. to sooth my worried looks. to fit my heart like a glove. to tell me tales in their warm stares. to interrupt my dreams at night. to make me give up on greener grasses. 

who loves me the way i am.

i will attempt to fill myself up with goodness. with laughter. and if all else fails, a cupcake or two. 

i shall revel in the generous blessing of friends and family, and try exceptionally hard to open my heart to genuine happiness for the staccato of couples springing up.