aces high

hindsight is a beautiful, beautiful thing. 

with all the cards strewn around you following the mayhem of life, the aces pop and you muse to yourself while adjusting your thick-framed glasses and puckering your red lips: "ahh, the 52-card pickup wasn't so bad-- it is now apparent why that 7 of clubs had to crunch that King of hearts, in order for the Ace and Queen of spades to land right side up while the 3 of diamonds eclipsed the whole rest of the deck" 

{or something to that effect}.

during the chaos of cards flying and pandemonium reigning, frisking your sense of stability and comfort zone, with exasperation you may wonder why the deck has exploded to destroy all sense of order and rhyme or reason. i certainly wonder such things, as i rather prefer being dealt my hand one card at a time.

but then one summer day, curled up with a pillow and lazily recounting the day's events and the people that filled it, you glimpse the silver lining of your situation or a person. with your finger on the trigger of thought, your mind cocks all associated events and conversations and suddenly the bullet of understanding penetrates every memory and question until you are left gasping at the kick that throws you backwards into the beauty of hindsight.

my time with a... friend... is quickly shifting into shadows. the dusk is settling on this strange but adventurous chapter in my life with a bright dawn up ahead. goodbye, with this friend, is imminent. i wave away the actual thought of saying goodbye {as i do not handle being left well} and remain with the consistent thoughts of our mutual influence upon the other-- all i have learned from him and him from i. i think of the things that can only remain unsaid in the distance between him and i, but which has somehow evolved to a stage of tangibility where words are bursting through the seams of our friendship.

hindsight is my favorite tool to count the bounty of blessings in my life-- if i never looked back on my wonderful life i might sadly overestimate my troubles and understate my joys. but with hindsight it seems that happiness pops, just like the aces in the pile of cards, and you realize you are holding a full house.

try as i might, i do not have the poker face of lady gaga. i am a happy person but i am an honest person. i do not mask my thoughts and i do not skip over the occasional sad day-- life is a wide spectrum of emotion, and my emotions run deep, too deep to paint over or chisel away.

we are dealt a little life every day, 
and it is what you do with your hand that counts.

i have found that more often than not i have a full house, and full house takes the cake. always.

"whether he likes it or not, a man's character is stripped bare at the poker table; if the other players read him better than he does, he has only himself to blame. unless he is both able and prepared to see himself as others do, flaws and all, he will be a loser in cards, as in life."-Anthony Holden