missing

strange, isn't it? how you can miss someone when they are right next to you. 





i once wept curled up with huntman because i missed him. or rather, i knew how much i would miss him. that missing has dulled day after day to now sit idly and peaceably on the back burner.

with his homecoming a skip and jump and 50 days away... 

i am afraid of missing him all over again. of crying when i finally see him, because of how much i missed him. 

today i missed someone before they even left. or rather, before i left. 

perhaps it is because i knew how long it would be until i saw him, or because i know he is not mine to miss... 

but when he said he would miss me i sighed deep inside and returned the sentiment, although i knew i already missed him. i had been missing him for too long to recall.

i hope to clear my head and heart of this man. oh, i really truly do. 

it is for the best-- that things haven't worked out the way he or i would have individually wanted them to-- but it doesn't make it any easier.

i know that when i come home things will be different. i will be different. 

and so tonight i said goodbye to him in more ways than one. 

but tomorrow i will say hello to the other side of the world.