his sweatshirt stopped smelling like him after a month. the big grey sleeves trailed me through tears and dreams until it all became too much. everything reminded me of him. i refused to subject myself to a certain intersection for 6 months. i would not listen to country music. and i certainly could no longer take the immediate reminders of our pictures and his sweatshirt.
and so, i stowed them away. near enough to be retrieved but distant enough i was not reminded daily.
i had not needed that sweatshirt for months and months. but on a dark and dreary evening in may it was my lifeline, to remember he was real, that there was something undeniable about an us, and that in two months time i would smell him again.
now, with less than a month until his blessed homecoming, that avoided intersection no longer phases me and the details of his face and smell have evaporated with the hot summer sun.
it is too strange to expound upon-- the notion that i will literally see him again.
that he will be in my life, not just in my gmail inbox.
i'm trippin' out on the surrealism of the whole thing.
one thing is for certain-- having him home will be better than any old sweatshirt.
i think these 29 days will brush into an instant-- one blink, and he will be home.
but then i blink, and blink again, and it seems as if all of eternity will pass before he touches down in america.
ooooeeeiii!!!
my concept of time is shot.
i just need to keep telling myself:
keep breathing.
erase all expectations.
and above all, don't freak out.
which really, is much easier said than done.
and so i leave you with some happiness-- please watch and enjoy, and dance around the apartment in your underwear if you please!
"pack up your troubles get your old grin back, don't worry bout the calvary"
No comments:
Post a Comment