a dream

we crept into the heat by the lights of the city and the stars. we slipped away beneath the watch of the moon. it almost felt like a dream. surreal. full of adventure, terror, a dose of the mundane, and a surge of the eloquently indescribable.

to attempt to surmise my dream in thailand would not grant justice to the true splendor and fascination of the exotic.

and exotic it was.

in that foreign corner of the globe i had the adventure of a lifetime. and it changed me, more than i thought it could. although invisible to others i feel the change in me.

all those spare moments riding in a tuk-tuk, nibbling on a mango with the waves crashing behind my closed eyes, wandering the streets of bangkok and chiang mai and phuket under the smothering heat.. i thought. about everything.

and i discovered in those moments, surrounded by a million people, myself conversing with memories and future possibilities.  i had somehow stumbled onto a path i did not want to tread any longer, becoming a person for someone else. a person who was not me, at the core.

when i landed in america i put my mistakes behind me and reclaimed the shell of the girl i can become. the girl i am down deep who needs a little nurturing and time.  the girl who likes things simple but deep, adventurous but safe, and strong but vulnerable.

my dream in thailand was brilliant and difficult, stretching me and opening my eyes to a world i did not know existed. 

to say i enjoyed my time there would be an understatement. 

i missed home while i was there-- at one desperately sad moment i wanted to leave.  but now that i am safe in my familiar life i find i yearn for thailand. i yearn to fall back into that dream for a while longer.