overwhelmed

i feel overwhelmed. 

overwhelmed by the love and support and hugs i have received from my families-- my home depot family, my ward family, my siblings, my parents, and my wonderful friends.  i have never felt so protected and cherished by so many people.  knowing that someone cares buoys you out of the darkest sadness and gives you hope that you'll be okay and that you deserve more. 

i also feel overwhelmed by advice. by others' opinions. 

i welcome the advice but it is hard to know everyone's opinion contradicts the magical future i envisioned, repudiates everything my heart feels.  

i don't know what i'll find at the end of 3 weeks without huntman.  i do know that i stood up for myself, even though it was the hardest thing i've ever done-- to say "no". 

i miss him. 

i miss us.

i'm not ready to be done loving him. i didn't know our last kiss could be our last kiss. as we stood in front of security at the airport i grabbed his espresso leather jacket round the collar and kissed his soft lips firmly, with a slight grin, believing i would see him in two weeks time. 

my coping strategy: stay busy. work-- get some overtime. work up an appetite so i eat more than starbursts for dinner. take naps. read a book. start on homemade christmas presents (cause goodness knows i have no money). listen to a ridiculous amount of ingrid, adele, kate nash, sara bareilles, and any other angry/sad love songs.