Thursday, May 31, 2012

psychoanalyze

the problem with graduating in psychology is two fold.

first, i don't have a real job.

second, i psychoanalyze myself.
i am a smart cookie; this brain of mine sneakily winds around loopholes to the land of justification. i am terribly clever and cunning, and above all persuasive to myself. i convince myself banana cream cupcakes are healthy because of all the dairy and bananas. i momentarily believe, in those transcendental seconds after i hit snooze, that no one will notice if i don't show up for work. and don't even get me started on my clever conjectures about the land of butterflies, men, and heartbreak which somehow always turn out to be false.

however, the facade never lasts long. if i sift things through my psychology prowess, the excuses dissolve and my raw motives are exposed. don't you hate being human sometimes?

it's hard when you realize you put up your defenses and illogical reasoning because you're afraid--of the unknown, the future, change, commitment, loneliness.


i am trying to decide what to do in 10 short weeks-- weigh the pros and cons while measuring my gut reaction. should i broaden my horizons to include palm trees and make the trek to arizona, to live with my brother (while he completes his anesthesia residency) and start a new and scary chapter of life? should i stay in provo with friends, a stable income, and co-workers i love, but at a job that is beginning to fester my contentment? should i make the move north and discover what my life in the city could be, while still being relatively close to family and friends? or should i move to guam? (somewhere completely unreasonable)

decisions, decisions.

meanwhile, i'm working on this for a friend's wedding, setting aside plenty of time to play with my sister and the kiddos (who just arrived in town-- horray!), making banana cream pie cupcakes (rather divine. my co-workers boast they're the best i've ever made), and reading this.


not to mention laundry. that mountain never ends, does it??

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