cosmos of men

Something has happened.  I'm not entirely sure what switch was flipped in the cosmos... but a switch has been flipped.  

There has been an upsurge of boys.  Random friends/ acquaintances texting me, calling me, messaging me on Facebook, asking me out... I don't know what the deal is.  I was perfectly content living my life filled with the non-existence of boys {excluding the creepers, which are in abundance} when they all conspired at once to attack!

I'll cut to the chase to the good stories worth mentioning:

#1.  Friday afternoon my phone rings.  It's James from work {a lot attendant who apparently stares at me-- for more info refer to post below entitled, "didn't your mother teach you not to stare?}.  I ignore it.  I have no idea why he is calling me-- we haven't talked in weeks and we only ever talk at work {the way he got my number is long and complicated and reverts back to my naivety}.  He doesn't leave a message.  Thank heavens.  But within seconds he texts me.

 "Becky... =)"

        Oh gosh...

"Hey James, sorry I missed your call.  What's up?"

"Hey, I wanted to ask if u wanted to go out some time with me??"

***First of all-- please spell our your words completely, and please refrain from the double question mark-- it makes me feel like you're shouting or something.

Immediate response: "He _ _  no boy!"
But... I hate being mean and everyone deserves one shot, right? (even though his shot was over day 1)

"Sure.  But it probably can't be for a couple weeks, I'm in the midst of finals and moving"

Low key and with a definite alibi of valid reasons why it won't be anywhere in the near future.  Sometimes I am brilliant. 

#2.  This one is really good.  For my frequent readers {all 5 of you} you might be floored.  I still am. 
After the busiest and most exhausting shift to date at the Depot {264 sales and $20,000!} I speedily drive to campus to study for and take my Living Prophets final.  Near the end of my cram session I get a text from none other than Home Teacher man.  Dun dun dun.  Okay.  I have not spoken to or seen Home Teacher man in 3 weeks. Why the text?  Most likely setting up when to come home teach my roommates and I.
Oh no.
Of course not.  The cosmos are conspiring and the men attacking.

"Hey Becky.  What are you up to tonight? Want to go see a movie or something?  It will be a good study break"

What?! Where is this coming from?!

My roommates were all either a. with their boyfriends/on a date with a weirdo, b. becoming region champion in BYU Women's Lacross, or c. studying.  So I took the bait.
After whipping out an excellent final and freshening up a wee bit he picks me up and away we are to see Date Night.  The evening is casual, our conversation pleasant and easy, he pays for my ticket, we laugh a lot and talk through the pre-previews and the previews.  Good.  This is fun, this is friendly, this is... wait, did he just lift up the arm rest? Uh... Where do you think this is going mister? We haven't spoken in 3 weeks and here you are removing the arm rest and opening up the potential to make a move on your home-teachee.  Gah!!!

Home Teacher man: "There's never a smooth way to do that"

No, there isn't.  What am I to do? Do I fold my arms? Do I cross my legs Indian style and hide my hands inside? Do I twiddle my thumbs? Do I tie my shoe?
Now I'm nervous and will be distracted the entire movie by where his hands are in respect to mine... Fortunately Steve Carell and Tina Fey quickly capture my attention and lighten the mood.  By the time Home Teacher man surreptitiously rests his hand on my leg 2/3 of the way through the movie it almost doesn't  register... until I realize... my hand is mere millimeters from his.  Next instant: I am holding hands with Home Teacher man. 
Dang it.  I had been doing so well at being bitter for weeks and thinking him a big fat jerk for not talking to me and now... now I'm holding his hand.  All I can think of is how weird this situation is.  If you had asked me that morning the probably of holding hands with Home Teacher man I would have said a big fat negative 73% and thrown a Banana Cream pie and laughed in your face. But here I am.

On the way out of the movie theater I run into a clear door, full-on.  He can't stop laughing at me.  Neither can I.  He walks me up to my apartment, thanking me for hanging out with him and gives the longest hug yet-- a full 5 seconds.

Okay.  We held hands.  No big deal.  I'm fine, truly, not all twitterpated and delirious with delusions of IKEA love.

But I'm curious to know what his excuse is for not even talking to me at Church or ward prayer after holding my hand and being the clear initiator.  I may never know because it could potentially be weeks before he shoots me a text.

What I do know is that I don't understand men, especially Home Teacher man.  And I'm out of energy to really care.  So to those boys who are in cohorts with the Cosmos, don't waste your time on me.  I've had my fill of men.  Would you kindly turn that switch back to it's rightful position? Thanks a heap.