the whole enchilada

WARNING: The Surgeon General cautions that this post may contain an overload of information. Read at your own risk. If your love for me {or curiosity} supersedes such risk, proceed with caution.

As a preface, I have been wanting to do this blog post for some time—get all the thoughts that jumble in my head out there! And I might as well share it on my blog rather than stowed away in a little file on my laptop. So prepare yourself for the unveiling of things about me you probably would never guess. And please {in sincerity} don’t mock.

FeTiSHeS

• Nail Polish. I kid you not, I have upwards of 40 nail polish bottles. I have every shade of the rainbow, and keep finding more that I want! It’s a dangerous fetish but fortunately not expensive to maintain. 
• Purses/Bags. Here’s where I get in trouble. I love bags. Big bags, little bags, casual hippy-esque, chic and classic, leather, suede, canvas, multicolored, shiny, matte, tassels, ginormous zippers, animal print, textured… I love them. And my self-control is extremely limited when it comes to bags, especially when they have the red tag of “SALE” on them. Oh heavens.  The justification I race through that this bag in my arms is a necessity, not a strong desire, is somewhat ridiculous.  In the end I typically conclude I simply must have it. 
• Bras and Underwear.  Granted I did work at scandalous Victoria’s Secret for 6 months and received round about 5 bras for FREE (to give a "testimonial" about it and promote sales.  Oh, I miss the free-bies) but I’m quite positive I have more bras than most girls. It would take me weeks to run out of bras to wear before doing laundry. And it would take me even longer to run out of clean underwear because my drawer is stuffed to the gizzard with cute panties, in addition to the stock pile at my parents’ home. 
• Slippers… especially moccasins. A good pair of slippers is like nothing else. Moccasins have a special place in my closet (not to worry, I only have 1 pair at the moment). I wear slippers everywhere I can get away with it. I am a slave to comfort now-a-days. 
• Scarves.  It all started Freshman year- the scarf for fashion, not the function of keeping you warm from the fall chill. Now I have too many. Several have been gifts from distant lands, i.e. Ireland, Nepal, Thailand, but I have a serious fetish. My scarf rack is overflowing.
• Cardigans.  It’s not that I have a million, I am just instantly drawn to them in stores. They seem to plead from their hanger, “Buy me!”. Usually I resist.  I just love admiring them.
  
• Blogging.  I’m not sure what I did before this. I love writing. Love love love. Relaxing, enjoyable... And although I could never be an English major, this is my way of expressing myself. The great secret about blogging that no one ever admits is that when someone comments on a blog post it makes you feel somewhat vindicated, all warm and fuzzy inside, and inspires you to write again. 
• Art History. I took Art History for AP credit in high school. It changed my life. I love art. I even considered being an art history major… until I realized I’d have to be fluent in another language. I’ve resolved instead to just travel the world and see all the beautiful art the world has to offer—in monument, museum, and nature. 

PHoBiaS

• Feet. I dislike feet touching me. Period. Naked feet, sock feet… they’re all just gross. The only exceptions to this are: babies, and Hunter. I’ve made several momentous strides in progress towards overcoming this irrational fear. But please… don’t touch me with your feet. I won't find it funny.
• The Safety of my Phone/iPod. This fear started when I heard the stories—“My phone fell in the gutter as I got out of the car”, “My phone fell {out of my bra while on my prom date} into the toilet right as I flushed it”. So every time I enter the bathroom I secure my phone—make sure it’s not in the back pocket of my jeans or anywhere else it could tumble into the treacherous toilet water. And when I scurry past air vents or gutters, I clutch my phone or ipod tightly. 
• Spiders. Who doesn’t have this fear? I mean, really. I’m not paralyzed with horror as I use to be—once while seated upon the toilet at the age of 4 I spotted a Daddy Long Leg creep in the corner. I ran shrieking from the scene in my frilly Care Bear panties, never to return for 7 years—I stubbornly refused to enter that bathroom. Now upon the sighting of a little 8 legged monster I typically dance around in apprehension with little screeches escaping my clenched lips, focusing intently to end its sad hairy life. I do fear that if I were ever to see a tarantula in the wild… my heart might stop beating. 
• Murky Deep Water.  This too has stemmed from stories: people swimming in Lake Powell when they felt the slimy mass of a long-ago dead body decomposing in the murky water; or took a late night swim and bumped something eerie and the next day the Officials fished out the missing body of so-and-so; or the 6 foot catfish that reside in the Hoover Dam that have been altered by radiation that could swallow me whole! If I can’t see my surroundings in water I don’t want to go in—because there could be a decomposing body or some giant creature with jaws gaping open, prepared to take a nibble or a really big bite.  Frankly I’m not quite sure I could recover from that scare. 
• Monsters in my Closet. I know it's childish and most people grow out of this fear by the age of 10 but... I saw a hauntingly scary movie, "They", and since that night 5 years ago go through the same routine, every night {when sleeping at my parents' house}: flick on the light, scan the closet, hurriedly close the door, hit the light-switch, and hop into bed. Don't worry, I learned my lesson and have stopped watching scary movies.

FaVoRiTe oBSeSSioNS.  *My current obsessions are so broad and numerous they must be divided into subgroups: food, media, men, artists, and attire.  

   - FooD -

•  Double Stuff Oreos. I love my oreos.  The creation of the double stuff was, in my opinion, revolutionary.  As a child… okay, even a teenager, I would split the chocolate cookies apart, lick the cream consistency of Crisco and sugar into non-existence, and then either a. throw away the “leftover” cookies OR b. {now this was when I was very young} place the cookies back together and sneakily place the no-filling-oreo at the bottom of the cookie jar, below the “complete” oreos (so no one would know of my mis-deed until all the other oreos were gone or merely chocolate cookies).  In my maturity I have grown to appreciate the entire oreo-- cookie and cream combined in a sensational symphony of lard and calories. Every time I split one apart I make a wish- if the cream is on the left then my wish will come true.  It’s a proven fact. Oreos make any sadness better momentarily and when dunked in milk {with a fork!} or globbed with peanut butter … party in my mouth.   Mmmm. 
• Thai Food.  I wrote an entire blog post about my love for Thai food.  Simply stated, if I had to choose one meal for the rest of my existence it would be yellow curry and mangoes and sticky rice.  I never tire of the sweet spicy goodness.     
• Breakfast food.  Growing up my dad made breakfast every Saturday morning-- it was the best waking up the smell of warm buttery crepes or whatever was cooking.  The concept of breakfast food being strictly for breakfast doesn’t really apply in my household- we eat breakfast food any time of the day or night we so desire.  My favorites include: German pancakes, Crepes, Ebelskievers, Crème Brule French toast, sausage, orange juice, and fruit. 
• Homemade Chocolate Chip Cookies.  Prior to college I disliked chocolate chip cookies.  Don’t ask why, they just weren’t my thing.  Upon moving away I suddenly craved, and I mean craved, chocolate chip cookies.  Perhaps a warm cookie with a cool glass of milk symbolized the comfort of home subconsciously but since then I consistently crave chocolate chip cookies.  If I come upon a homemade chocolate chip cookie, I must indulge. 

   - THe MeDia - 

• Grey’s Anatomy.  Seriously? Seriously.  How often do I think Meredith and Derek and Bailey and Christina are real people? How has Grey’s been my one true tv show for years now? How do I identify with the characters and situations?  Why are my Thursday nights devoted to Grey’s? I plan to answer such questions in an entire blog post because a miniscule paragraph simply will not suffice.  I’m slightly obsessed, I admit… but how can I not be obsessed with McDreamy and McSteamy and the Twisted Sisters and “really old guy” and boys stuck in cement or babies with their hearts beating on the outside of their chest? When I realize it’s not real, I wish it was real, and that I were a part of Seattle Grace Hospital. 
• Glee.  The music, the dancing, the love triangles.  Mr. Shoester and Emma? Adorable.  And although the season was painstakingly slow in their progress with Will’s crazy lying wife and Emma’s gym-short-shorts fiancé, the kiss at the season finale made it all worth it.  Glee nights are so fantastic, and it starts back up this Tuesday! I can’t wait. 
• Pride & Prejudice.  Artistic and beautiful.  One of my favs.  It flows and inspires the hope of Mr. Darcy in all his wonderfulness. No matter how many times I’ve seen it my heart quickens as they argue passionately in the rain, it melts as they walk towards one another in the early dawn, and a smile can’t help but spread across my face as he admits his perfect and incandescent happiness to call her Mrs. Darcy.
• (500) Days of Summer. Since watching this a few weeks ago my thoughts have been filled with the glorious soundtrack {officially addicted to “Sweet Disposition” by Temper Trap} and I replay scenes in my mind… “Darling, I don’t know how to tell you this… but there’s a Chinese family in our bathroom”… I want to go to IKEA not only to shop but to fall in love because of this movie, as well as have the most adorable vintage-retro dresses and kiss by the copy machine.  I want all things this movie has to offer, besides the heartache.  I identify with characters and I feel that I am Summer to the extent of her casual happiness but general indifference regarding dating. 
• Disney. I love Disney.  Classic favs: Beauty and the Beast (I nominate Best Kiss award because a. they actually knew each other for longer than a day, b. they loved the person, not the persona, and c. upon lip lock fireworks go off AND the castle and servants go back to their original version and it’s all happy and sunshine-y and magical- Disney at its finest!), The Little Mermaid (I watched this so many times it broke the VHS), Aladdin (everything is great), Robin Hood (“seize the fat one!” and "be gone long one"), The Sword in the Stone (the owl and wolf kill me! plus Madam Mim!), Monster’s Inc. (I just adore this movie and want to adopt Boo... and Mike Wasouski), Toy Story 2 (Zurg—need I say more?), and Enchanted (entertaining, endearing, and you guessed it- enchanting).  

     - MeN -

• Denzel Washington.  I have great love for this black man.  Hunter and I have an agreement that if Denzel comes along, he’ll be alright on his own while I run off with a man old enough to be my grandpa.  Did you know he has the most symmetrical face? Perhaps that’s why I love him so.  Oh Denzel…
• Patrick Dempsey.  In his character as either McDreamy or Prince Charming, he is perfect.  I just love his puppy dog eyes and darling smile… and the hair.  Can’t forget the hair.  He also has such a soothing voice.  I get excited when State Farm commercials come on and I get to hear his sexy voice.

   - aRTiSTS -

• Ingrid Michaelson.  I really don’t have words to convey my deep love and admiration for Ingrid.  I’m naming one of my daughters after her, if that says enough.  I listen to her more than anything else-- 95% of the time she is blasting in my car.  All of her songs are different and they all convey so much.  Some days I have an Ingrid-themed day.  Like when I listened to “Giving Up” on repeat the entire ride down from Sandy to Provo.  Or when I listened to constantly and then bought the piano music for “Sort Of”.  She heals me in a way only music can.  Whether I’m happy or sad or mad, she’s the voice I love to hear and the lyrics that make everything better.
• The Fray.  Oh Isaac Slade, please marry me.  You are perfect- you sing like an angel, play the piano, guitar, drums, and probably every other instrument known to man.  If I really did marry Isaac after I converted him, our relationship would consist of him singing to me, specifically “Look After You”, “Never Say Never”, “Happiness”, and “How to Save a Life”.  I wouldn’t mind that life. 

    - aTTiRe -

• Nautical.  I don't know what flipped the switch but I can't get enough of blue and red stripes, plus anchor jewelry.  Additionally I have been scouring the internet for a sailor-esque swimsuit that doesn't make me look like a skankatronic hoebag. No luck thus far...
• Boy Clothing.  It's a simple fact that boys have more comfortable clothing-- loose, soft, and typically less expensive.  My roommates introduced me to the wondrous pack of 5 boy V-neck shirts for round about $9.  Seriously?  A single simple cami can cost you up to $12.  Fashion industry skewed?  I believe so.  Therefore I am taking advantage of pricing on boy clothing as well as the astounding comfort of such clothing. 
• Retro and Vintage.  Some moments I long for the 50's- not the social role or women or the White Picket Fence ideal, but the clothing.  Cute flattering pin-up dresses, darling swimsuits, curls and pearls and red lipstick! The fashion industry has evolved from polka-dot swim-dresses to disgusting monokinis with giant cut outs of just about every part of your body you would want to cover up with a one-piece in the first place. Ai!  Blast you fashion designers. I do love vintage though.  Which brings me to my other current obsession: online shopping.  I never buy anything, but I love looking at www.modcloth.com and www.shabbyapple.com.  Don't look if you fear coveting, because guaranteed you will covet one or five or twenty dresses. 

*** COMING SOON***

Ridiculous talents and pet peeves.

Stay tuned!