frankly {and i do mean frankly}, it sucks.
big time.
big time.
i am thrilled they have found their best friend, their cuddle-buddy, their soulmate.
i love waiting outside the temple, smiling, to see them emerge as husband & wife, and i adore seeing them off into the sunset with sparklers and confetti.
but
when glasses are raised in toast at the wedding luncheon, i get misty eyed. when they twirl through their first dance, i sway by myself. and that night, as i crawl into my twin-size bed, i sigh before drifting into dreams.
no. it won't.
i think i have pinpointed its origin-- this sadness stems from being reminded that i do want to get married, one day, and that i am not complete on my own. and what's more, i feel farther than i ever have from marriage. i have struggled these past 18 months to piece myself back together, to show that i don't need a boyfriend, that i am enough on my own. and for now, that is true. but having once felt so completely filled by someone who is now gone. . . the lies i have told myself are catching up to me.
the hole is no bigger than a pin-prick now, but it is still there, and it widens with every bouquet toss.
2 comments:
I love the new blog style & picture. Your pictures are so beautiful!! My friend is a model! At least we are still single together! I'm beginning to find that the amount of time I spend with married people is out of control. Our lives are being taken over by weddings this year! Yay for single-dom. haha. I love you! I'm glad we have each other :)
LOVE your new blog. It's so adorable. I want to eat your style [that sounds weird, it's a compliment I swear.]
Now, onto a different subject. Like, this post. I get it. and I'm not going to sit here and tell you to "enjoy the journey" because I've gotten that enough for the both of us. Just like you said, frankly..it sucks. I think we'll both get there eventually, as hard as it may be to picture right now. But in the meantime let's be friends and eat bowls of vanilla ice cream together, ya?
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