for the world to see

my cursor curses my thoughts.
yearnings are transformed into a blank white screen.
there's so much i want to say. but how do i begin?

you need a good beginning-- an attention grabber. those words escape the quiet lips of every 4th grade teachers to their eager students. this easier-said-than-done announcement comes prior to you approaching the grandiose task of writing your first novel {not to stress, it's only 8 pages, with plenty of illustrations}. you were published at age 10.

what would it be like to be published, again? not binding your one-sentence pages and illustrations of colored pencils as a class activity only to have your masterpiece rest neatly on a book shelf attracting dust, with your parents periodically retrieving it to chuckle at your imaginative far-fetched creativity, while lovingly assuring you it's the greatest story every written.

what would it be like to have people read your words? 
pay to read your words, even.
all this has sprung from the book i am knee deep in, bird by bird.  it's a guide to writing. i recognize my standing as a psych major, that english is not my forte, that i still don't understand some grammar and punctuation rules in the english language... but i love to write.
so.  until i make the rash decision of writing for real beyond my blog, of writing for a purpose beyond being heard by the  v o i d  and my few select followers, i will entertain my audience as best i can with the comedy and tragedy and joy that is my life.

blogging is my way of being published. for now.
some days i want to write for the entire world to see! for those blog stalkers who meander their way to other blogs to find me {and don't be shy in admitting that you do. i do}.  i want a random person to fall in love with my stories the way i have fallen in love with meg or ingrid or neinei.  i suppose this is a fault of mine, for wanting something so absurd. but i still want it. 

so. do i write for the world to see?
     or 
do i only allow people i love and trust to see life through my eyes? only share my secrets with them?
because i do want to write, for you, for myself, for the world to see. badly.
{except for a few select people who necessitated the privatization of my blog in the first place}