i want you to want me

i want you to want me.

i need you to need me. 

i'd love you to love me.

i'm begging you to beg me.

- cheap trick-

it's truly a wonder i still care.
i always leave frustrated, feeling as though i'm not "enough".
yet i leave, always wanting more.  

couples are in abundance. for the past two days they have been in my direct line of sight. some inspire hope.

other {couples} just grunge up my bitter resolution in the audacity of men to be so.....  so. . . . .
mainly, these couples just remind me that i am not a couple.

i am me.

i have never resembled barbie. which is quite okay. i have come to accept and even relish in my un-voluptuous chest and muscular frame. some days i look in the mirror observing a reflection that is not unfortunate looking and borderline pretty.
but.
when it appears that men {or at least the men i had an interest in} only go for barbie.... it can be disheartening.

when you told me you thought "nothing" when you found out.... my wounded heart snapped the stitches that had held strong for 2 years.

i don't want to be barbie, but i still might want you to want me and need me and love me.
but i refuse to beg.
i will not cave in because i'm quite certain you don't want me or need me. although you might have once loved me.