we're at an impasse, dear sunday

sundays.

i quite like them. they have been my solace from the week. not working on sundays is the greatest.
i sleep in.
i shower.
i actually attempt to get beautiful.
i go to church.
i see my neighbors, who are my friends.
i have time to cook, or help cook.
i spend time with my family.
i typically eat, a lot. with plenty of dessert.
i even socialize after ward prayer.
and of course, i write an email.

with all this luxury of time, there is a downside to the day-of-rest.
on sundays, i always feel pain.  it's inevitable. so i've come to accept it.

because i'm not running around home depot stapling up signs. i'm not prying my eyelids open to giggle round a bonfire, or biting my nails through 24 with boys in my ward. when you work 40 hours a week, you need to play that much, if not more.
that's the philosophy i've embodied: play hard because, heck, i sure have worked hard.
this weekend is a blur of activities and laughing and spontaneity.
and yet

it still comes as a shock when i'm sitting in church and i have that familiar wave of pain launch my soul into tears. sometimes the tears come out. today they certainly did.

 this pain...

i don't know quite how to fix it.

i busy myself all week long but. every sunday. it comes back.

we're at an impasse.

i can't make you understand me, and i can't understand you. 

where do we go from here?