the science experiment on happiness

i'm doing an experiment on happiness.

not for class

or work

or men

but

for me.

part 1 of science experiment on happiness:
let things go, completely.
turn it over to the big man upstairs.

i thought i could give 100% at work, 

and another 100% at school, 

and just a small 100% being social,

and of course, 

100% becoming the good mormon girl i can be. 

400%, my friends, is not feasible for a 21 year old girl.

so i'll punch in at work and work. really hard. and do all i can do. but when the clock strikes home, i am done answering managers' demands. 
and then i'll go to school. and study. really hard. i'll actually try learning the difference between ionotropic and metabotropic receptors, and understand the dichotomies at play in the psychological realm, and memorize tips to use in crucial conversations. and when it comes time to write a paper or study for a test, i will somehow manage.
and on the weekends, i will be as social of a butterfly as my cocoon will allow. some weekends there will be much more fluttering than others.

at the end of the day or week, i will pray for strength to do it all again tomorrow.

others' expectations have too long plauged my stress level. 

so i'm saying, "to hell with it all!"
i'm erasing my expectations. and accepting that others' expectations don't matter.
by the end of the day i'll have given 100% of myself. that's all i can offer.

part 2 of science experiment on happiness:

get some.

because, as audrey hepburn put it,

"i believe in kissing, kissing a lot".

and i have not done that in much too long.