sensational

i am infinitely grateful for novacane.

there was a wee moment when i wasn't completely numb and by golly, that little dentist drill hit a nerve and my eyes scrunched to make the nightmare end.
so my doc ordered "more novacane!" 

this led to the entirety of my top lip, nose, and cheeks being devoid of sensation for several hours.
{which may have been the weirdest sensation i have ever experienced, apart from kissing with pop rocks}.

and it got me to thinking.
first-- if i was a pioneer woman, i would have no teeth.

second-- even though the pain can be unbearable and you succumb to numbness, once the tingling begins and the warm sensation returns, you never want to be lost in numbness again.

i was numb for so long with huntman. even before the end, i was numb. 

the only thing that jolted my senses was deep and agonizing anger. but sadness eventually overtook, claiming one nerve at a time, staking out an abyss of emptiness.


i awoke slowly.
first, i began to stop loving him.

the tingling started.

it was pins and needles. 

next, i began to forget him. the entirety of his presence in my memories, the smell of his skin, and the flecks of gold in his eyes.

i gingerly moved, and the warmth spread.

finally, i discarded the home of his arms. i abandoned my belief in him. in his promises.
i began the quest for a home in someone else's arm.

every particle of me ached.

and i breathed in my scars. 

i agree with ingrid-- it feels so good just to feel something.
today, i feel sensational!

  "no no don't rescue me
i like the salt water sting
it feels so good to feel
it feels so good just to feel something
in the sea in the sea in the sea in the sea"





p to the s-- i am loving the black keys right now.