i need a sign

i breathed in and my lungs felt hollow.
everything around me was wrong, so wrong, and i screamed in my head-- "how is this my life??"

partly it's my fault {really, only a small percentage. other's agency sucks sometimes}.

i intertwined our fingers hoping for trust and emotional validation, whispering secrets bursting at my lips, and for a night it was perfect.  my worries laid in his arms and i could finally breathe.

now, i am irritable. 

i hate the nagging feeling of constant irritation, especially when the frustration bubbles from an irrevocable existence of character. someone he cannot be. are you familiar with the feeling? he gets under my skin and i don't know whether to laugh or cry when i look into his blue eyes. but as he leans in i catch his scent and the irritation subsides momentarily.

i determined romance makes you stupid. romantic visions are bullshit. where has romance gotten me thus far? dark and twisty, to be eloquent.


i wish i was not a hopeless romantic. i wish i could scrub away my past and cut out my heart to wake up to a new life without a bitter bone in this skeleton.


i need a sign-- to know love still exists. how did juno put it?