(1275) days of he-who-must-not-be-named

the part where joseph-gordon levitt breaks plate after plate after plate in (500) days of summer is how i felt last night. or perhaps when he yells on the bus. regardless, the following clip sums it up nicely:

in high school i was the girl who slugged her guy friends for swearing, the girl who abhorred any usage of the 'f word', the girl who didn't understand the liberation that comes from swearing. and the girl who certainly never yelled.

i am no longer that girl.

i am the girl who laughs in (500) days of summer at the card "roses are red, violets are blue, *eff you whore".  i am the girl who intentionally burns and rips holes in things, who swears and yells. that's right hunter, yells, at the top of my lungs, that you are a coward.  i never thought i had it in me until he ignited the fury. now that i have gathered the courage to call him a coward and a host of other less-savory adjectives, i feel liberated. i feel exhilarated.  i feel validated. 

i will not let him claim one more day of me. i gave him approximately 1275. 

we had so many days of sunshine, of happiness. but love has its seasons and in the winter of our love he walked away, not even hoping for spring. he stopped fighting because it was hard. knowing he didn't love me enough is the biggest wound of all.