little things. hopefully memories, not potential

pure befuddlement has been bestowed upon me-- not quite in the form of a gift.

i saw him. and a million memories and possibilities raced through my mind. he was a good 30 feet away but he caught my eye, nodded his head ,and i unwillingly broke into a grin.
i fiddled with my rings while he spoke {in church} and had a knot the size of texas in my stomach.
his approach was casual. we exchanged a hug. the knot went away, along with my worries. {which worries i have been fretting over the past... ooo say, month? and frantically calibrated all yesterday}
friends. friends are good. friends are grrreat.

but... {there always seems to be one of those...}

the knot may have returned when we were alone. i am the first girl he's been alone with in two years.
we just talked. and looked at each other.  

people usually do do that when they're having a conversation.

the little things always gave me hope.  to my discouragement, they still might.

i don't want hope. because hope can be dashed. it's easier not to hope, not to want to hope. i don't want to hope. i don't want to complicate things further. i love huntman.

truthfully, i don't know what i want. 

because a corner of my heart yearns for a ray of hope.

i don't know what i feel. still. {gah!}. i thought i would today.  

the thing i know least of all is what he thinks of me. how he thinks of me. 

i am the recipient of conflicting information from his 

friends. 

his mom. 

him. 

don't worry, i looked dang fine today. 

i wore my new H&M blue and white striped skirt {i've been saving it}, red belt, and my uber sexy red heels.