the soft creak in the kitchen floor at its juncture with the lived-in tan carpet. the slight incline of the driveway. the promise of cupboards being stocked with spices and soups and cereal. the gentle patter of the shower in the generous-size tub. the dark red hue of the room that cradles the baby grand piano. the feeling of security in so many memories and so much growth.
all this wonder, in juxtaposition to college life, is like staying the weekend in the ritz.
it is strange, to stay in this quiet and cozy warm home of memories, because it is quadruple the size of my apartment. in a quarter of this space i live with 3 other girls, and that space is always buzzing with pots and pans and our sporadic faucet and laughing and the typing of keyboards and soft russle of textbook pages turning.
this solitude has been a welcome reprieve from life.
following 4 consecutive episodes of psych {oh, am i addicted! sean and gus are in all my dreams which i doooo not mind} i decided i needed human interaction-- always a good thing after recovering your solace in solitude.
and so i saw 2 boys i may have kissed once upon a time.
funny. very funny, i tell you.
i buried the hatchet with one over ice cream and laughed at the other's pierced ears.
tonight i am seeing a boy i might have had a monster crush upon when i was a doe-eyed seventeen year old busser at the mayan.
i think it may be a date. . .
and then, oh so randomly, i was asked out over facebook {!!!} by a boy i have not spoken to since... high school? and even then we didn't talk much...
it is strange.
these men have been in my life for years, and the happenings of our memories occurred years ago.
i have become this intelligent confident woman and they have become equally different from our teenage interaction, and yet, when i am with them and our conversation gathers momentum it is as though nothing has changed. i evolve into that bashful and simultaneously flirtatious fourteen or sixteen or seventeen year old all over again.
it got me to thinking-- that yes, i am a much different person {thank heavens}-- but it is merely experience mached over myself. peeling back the modge-podge a few layers lies the preservation of my seventeen-year old self. and beneath that is the idealistic sixteen-year old. and underneath that lies the socially-emerging fourteen-year old.
it is a comfort, being at home, and realizing that that same girl is still here with me, underneath the layers of college experience and heartbreak and laughter.
i am still that becky inside. i need to let her out, to help me add more layers of tissue to my self and modge-podge my holes and hurts into oblivion.
2 comments:
Oh my goodness how are you going to keep track of all these boys miss? You are a babe! and I think it is very true that we are the same person just with more experiences. See you so soon!!
Holy cow! I'm gone for 5 days and I've missed so much! I'm excited to see you and hear all about it! :)
Post a Comment