santa, baby

do you remember that endlessly long christmas wish list for santa and his elves?
the one you scrawled with crayon when you were 5, with backwards letters and terribly misspelled words, and the recurrent theme of barbies, roller skates, and either a pony or ballet shoes. 

oh, the days. giggles of anticipation and paper chains to count down til christmas. because on christmas, dreams came true with that new magic-attic club doll {true story} or a bow around that fascinating didgi-pet.

i use to know what i wanted. it was so simple-- a life-size barbie, bonne belle chapstick in every flavor, nail polish {which i still want}, accessories for my dolls, and tweety bird shirts. 

now, when asked what i want for christmas, i go b l a n k.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

so without further ado, and after much conjuring and pondering, i proudly present: 

christmas list for 2010

crock-pot

new eyeglasses 

{such as these... mine are scratched to the point of inhibiting ideal sight}

my initial thought was,

oh my gosh, i am old. 

i  actually want a crock pot and glasses. 

but my disheartened soul then was struck with amazement that, i am not boring, i have merely outgrown all those childish fantasies of materialism. i am now wanting things i need!

 hazzah! 

but then... i went shopping... after work for a few necessities {eyeliner, apples}
 and was severely sidetracked by the grandeur of the mall and i thought:

shoooot! i still want everything.

so while i no longer dream of sugarplum fairies and lollipops, i can't escape the allure of new gloves and sparkly eyeshadow, the temptation of nail polish {still... it's a weakness}, or the glitz and wonder of a new blouse.

but, i was successful at putting several things, wrapped up so lovely, back onto the shelf.
*sigh*

i do not need them... oh, i want them. i do.  but i do not need such delicacies.

a small part of me believes, i do need them, {and here's the part where i confess i craved with the sephora nail polish...} but i have matured past tantrums for not getting what i want.  
mostly.
{at least, from the stores}.

then i asked myself:
"self, what do you really want?"
and it was so apparent, i wondered why i even asked.

the entire store of gap.

ob-vious-ly.

...but beyond the obvious, i really, truly, buried beneath the bitter dirt of frustration and the weeds of rants aimed at the male species, want love.
i want huntman. still. after everything.

i had a kissing dream last night. or at least, i think i did.  i woke up feeling dream-kissed. 

later on in the morning a boy seductively extended the invitation that, "we should make-out".

{seriously, this occurred. today}.
for a fraction of a second, i considered it. it could easily happen. matching up lips is not too complex. but {fortunately} i came to my senses and i declined with a laugh at his ridiculousness.

the thing i want most for christmas 
requires a little extra work up at the north pole. i've accepted that this year, i won't open up a bright and shiny heart full of love in my flannel pj's christmas morning.

and i'm okay waiting.  i'm finally okay.

a boring old crock-pot suits my fancy just fine this year.
and the eyeglasses are sure to make me look more like a {sexy} librarian.